So You're Supposed To Be...?

   Couples costumes. There is a lot riding on this each year if you're in a relationship, especially if it is your first Halloween together. It's your first chance to show you all can be crafty, witty, and funny together while still being in on the joke. Here is a thought of mine, make your own joke and go as something completely separate! I know, this is coming from the single guy, and I have no problem doing a couple costume, I'm sure I would happily do one if I was in a relationship. I just don't see the appeal of doing it every year.

   I have been single for a while so I'm used to having free range on what I want to do as my costume and not having to worry about going as a couple, unless it's with a friend, where sometimes you can be a couple costume and still be free standing on your own and not everyone wonder where the other half of your costume is! Even though I'm gay I thought about going as Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents for Halloween this year with no Wanda. My whole thought process was, 

"Would everyone ask me where Wanda is all night? Would the costume make as much sense? Would people get the joke?"

These are the thoughts running through my head and it's something I didn't want to worry about, so on the off chance a couple gets separated at a party or bar would these be the ongoing questions for them all night? I'm perfectly okay with going as a costume meant for one person and just enjoying the night instead of worrying about people getting the reference, should I stand by him in a group photo, is it really that big of a deal? The answer is, it's not, these are just the things that go through my head and I decide to share with the world.

   I have seen so many creative couples costumes that I have been jealous of, doesn't mean I'm jumping at the chance to try it, just means I'm not against the idea, it just means I would hate to be put in that bubble of people assuming you have to go as a costume together. Why not alternate each year? Or even never do it? Halloween is a time to really show some creativity and plenty of individuality so why not show some? This was a short, sweet, and to the point post but I haven't said anything in a while and Halloween wasn't too long ago so this was still fresh in my mind.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Flesh Without Blood // Grimes

The Perpetual 5th Wheel

   We all know someone who is a third wheel most of the time, and maybe that person is you. We can't forget the just as lovely, fifth wheel some of us are forced to face with. Being a third wheel is bad enough, most couples are considerate enough to notice that there is just that one other friend with them so they can usually keep the PDA down to a minimum, if we're lucky. You sometimes get out of being the third wheel because you have that other single friend you love to tag along and help save you at the same time. It's a good give and take when a friend is in a relationship, to have that single friend that they aren't trying to hook you up with, but still save you from the awkwardness that is bound to occur.

   What happens when that other single friend gets in a relationship? To quote one of my favorite 80's movies, The Breakfast Club, "It'll be anarchy!" And it can be...that couple that was so good at keeping the PDA to a minimum well this other couple does just a little bit too and then they start to feel comfortable because they think no one is looking at them when there is another couple right next to them going at it like middle schoolers in a movie theater. That is when we tend to forget the ever so delightful fifth wheel. Just like how you forget you have the spare tire in the trunk of your car after you run over a broken beer bottle on the highway. Don't mind us, we will continue to watch the movie we just started 15 minutes ago, or finish that slice of pizza you seem to have forgotten about, or use our invisibility to escape mid tongue lock. You turn back and see that pitiful look you're getting from your friends because we all know why you're leaving, to go drown your sorrows with red wine and watch Muppet Treasure Island...this might be hitting a little too close to home now.

   In all seriousness, it's not anyone's fault you're a fifth wheel, this is just a way of life and it's your turn to play the part. It doesn't get weird until they feel the need to start setting you up with everyone they know in order to attempt having six wheels at once. I personally don't feel safe driving like that and I also don't mind currently being that fifth wheel. I have plenty more things to discover about myself before I would rather make out with someone than watch Parks and Recreation for the 10th time that day. Also, to ALL you couples out there, quit trying to be cutesy in front of other people, it's only cute to you and everyone else is bitter. One more thing couples, be wary of the plans you're making when inviting the fifth wheel to join. We are going to be miserable at game night, because we are going to be forced to play with a friend we don't like or don't plan on sleeping with. When it comes to this, we prefer to the night to ourselves, or get into a drunken stupor with our other single friends and enjoy this same hangover coffee I'm enjoying now while writing this entry in a coffee shop because I don't have wifi and I've been meaning to write this one for a while.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Happy With Me // HOLYCHILD

Should You Even Wear White?

   It's something most of us have to suffer year round, but it is officially that time so many of us single folk dread. WEDDING SEASON. I'm sure this whole post will make me, or all single people, sound bitter during this time of the year, but it is simply not the case! I haven't had the joy of being a groomsmen or a groomsmaid, but I love going to weddings. Mainly if an open bar is involved, but that is besides the point. I also haven't been to a wedding that involved one of my closest friends, so I will admit I am a little biased on the whole wedding season ordeal so keep on reading if you want to hear my opinion. To the men reading this, it's called wedding season for a reason, so be a little more creative with those proposals, unless of course she is determined to have in this period then live on the edge! I'm not saying break out the flash mob, but we believe in you.

   I have a number of friends who are super talented photographers and I know they make money taking engagement photos but some of the poses, which I know are sometimes couples ideas, make me want to cry. I really don't need to see how many ways you can hold hands in a green pasture in your Sunday's best. Find a couple good photos, stick with that and share with the world. I don't need to see the color version, the black and white version, the sepia tone version, that's for you and the photographer to mull over and share with your family. I know we have family on social media, but don't mind the other 500+ people you have on your list that are forced to suffer. Photographer friends, you're all amazing, keep up the good work, not putting this on you all at all!

   Back to the proposals, unless he/she did it in a really cool way I don't care to see it. Most of us know how proposals work when they get on one knee and ask. Again, I get wanting to film it for the memory and sharing with family, but most of us don't care. If he asks while hang gliding or after coming in riding on a polar bear then I'm sure I can get the gist of how it went down. All I know is, marriage is an amazing thing and I'm happy for anyone who gets the joy of marriage, I'm waiting on you Kentucky to let me do the same. Marriage isn't always what we think it's going to be, look at Carrie and Big, I'm still bitter about that scenario, but that could be a whole other post.

   Don't worry, those of us not getting married will slap on that happy face and attend your wedding with our other single friends who don't even know you as our date. Just make sure that open bar is stocked heavily for those of us refusing to do the chicken dance on the dance floor with your aunt. Cheers.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What You Waiting For? // Gwen Stefani

The Hookup Culture

   Is such bullshit. I mean, talk about the struggle to try and actually date someone. We put ourselves in these boxes to wait for the exact right person who we think is good enough because dates are so rare we assume we just crawl out of our box when we think we find the right person and go for it. Or we just have sex and hope that doesn't ruin the whole prospect of trying to actually stay with someone. I know I've said this before, but sex when you first meet someone or when your first trying to date someone is going to go one of two ways, bad or good. You just have to wait and see if it's really worth the risk. What if we want to be that nice person who waits and doesn't want to rush anything? Well, we get screwed. Some people will consider you aren't interested because you aren't in a hurry to put a label on it, or taking it to the next level, or going to third base (whatever the hell that means now). Maybe we are just being considerate or we like to take things at our own pace, I know I'm in no rush, but that doesn't mean it's not worth the time. To quote a friend of mine, "We live in a world where hooking up is the new dating and we all feel shitty about ourselves because if we're not hooking up with someone then we think we're never going to be in a relationship. It's quite sad." I immediately read that and added it to this post because she summed up the whole point of this paragraph.

   Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.

   We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara

It's Only An Echo

   Do you ever wonder why we can't look in the mirror without pointing out ten new flaws in ourselves we find each morning? Some of them might be small like a new pimple or you're just realizing one eye is slightly bigger than the other or bigger like noticing you might want to get a nose job, or just shave your head because your hair just isn't doing what you want it to that day. The worst part is that it's our own voices talking to us when we look in the mirror, that's us just talking to ourselves and we shouldn't be doing that, put the demon to rest. We live in a world where if you ask someone to write down all the things someone loves about themselves and all of the things they want to change then that list is going to be much longer of negative qualities.

   It's not something you can do overnight, but it is something we need to work on everyday. I'm not saying this is fixed by going to the gym or redoing your wardrobe, we all will deal with a situation like this in our own ways. It's just up to you to find out which way is right for you. I know since the beginning of the year and having my scar from my appendectomy I've had to work on myself and tell that voice in my head to leave me alone and let me work on myself on my own time because little by little I am enjoying looking in the mirror. I still see flaws, things I wish I could change, just wanting to throw the mirror on the ground, but you can't because then that voice in your head wins. You just have to realize you're beautiful, just think of all the things our parents told us when we were little; "you can do anything you set your mind to, you were the best tree ever in your school play, you should have more playing time, keep up the good work." They were right and I know we don't like to admit that too often, but most of the time our parents know what they are talking about so take a page out of their book and use it in your everyday life.

   Find that other voice in your head, because it's still yours, that thinks that new outfit looks amazing on you, that realizes you have your health and your friends around you, that tells you maybe that hot guy or girl will finally talk to you. That's the voice we need to be listening to because it's the one that's going to get us forward in life and not terrify us at every job interview, first date or any other encounters we may come across in our lifetimes. Just take it 10 seconds at a time because anyone can do anything for 10 seconds, just be sure to start counting again when you reach 10.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Memories That You Call // ODESZA

The Desire To Travel

   Wanting to travel is a common thing to desire in your 20's, especially after you graduate because this is your chance to explore. If you get that adult job you have the money to travel, or you still have all that graduation money you got from your grandparents and you want to put it to good use, so why not? We all seem to find reasons to not travel, no matter how badly we want to. For the most part the only traveling experiences we have our school trips, family vacations, and the occasional spring break to Panama City Beach, at least I think I went? All of these trips are fun, we wouldn't change a thing, and we may have learned something from them. (I'm looking at you PCB) Traveling after college is your chance to really discover a lot about the world around you and yourself while your at it. There is no reason your first big adventure should be going to Europe, travel a few hours to the next big city out of your state. Take baby steps, this might not be the vacation of your dreams but it can lead to that! You need to see how you act when you travel somewhere new. How were you at finding a place to stay, did you bring enough money, how much money did you have left over, did you enjoy the people you went with? These are things we can only learn when we experience them and there is nothing wrong with that because it's part of becoming an adult.

   You need to plan this trip a long time in advance. You want to make sure it's something you really want to do and have the time and money for because this is your time, especially if it's the big trip you've been waiting for since you moved out of your parents house. Set a long term goal of where you want to visit, put so much money aside each paycheck and book that hotel as soon as you can because you aren't going to want to turn around after already putting money down on this adventure. There is nothing like grabbing a couple friends, hopping in your car and making a random drive but this isn't Crossroads and you aren't Britney Spears so be careful whenever you make all of these plans because you need friends who are in it and there is no turning back once the trip has been planned.

   We all need to escape in some point in our lives, a trip is perfect for this but it shouldn't be for running away. It should just be to get away because there is nothing like leaving our lives for a few days, or even longer and just relax and forget about everything you have going on in your life back home because trust me, that will be waiting for you right when you get back. So will Netflix though, so you shouldn't be too stressed out about it. I know spring break is right around the corner for those of you still in school, but don't hesitate to go ahead and plan that next big trip now, who says it can't be to a beach anyway? I'm already looking forward to my first big adventure as a graduate and I know it is going to be needed by the time it gets underway. Student loans can wait just a little bit longer, can't they?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Sun Models // ODESZA

Does Waiting Really Change Anything?

    SEX. I know it's more apparent in younger and younger age groups but I'm just focusing on our age group, us 20 somethings, because that's what I can most relate to and personally experienced growing up. There is such a stigma in talking about sex and it's such a taboo topic in conversation and I don't really get why. It's the reason we are here, so we should be able to be comfortable talking about it. Why feel so uncomfortable when someone asks you how old you were when you lost your virginity, were you in a relationship at the time, how many sexual partners have you had? Granted, these are all personal questions and you don't have to answer, but why not? Most people who know me know I'll answer just about any question you ask me, not even just revolving around sex, especially when it comes to educating someone about the LGBT community and my personal lifestyle. There is no reason to judge someone who has had multiple sexual partners, just be having safe sex, but if it is safe than who are we to judge? I would personally be rather jealous of this person and I know most people would, but who's going to admit it? I will. Virginity is a hard one, literally no pun intended, because we don't know the circumstances for anyone's situation so if they don't want to answer there is no need to pursue the answer, maybe this person will tell you when they feel more comfortable to talk about it. Sex questions are nothing to be taboo about and it's something you are definitely going to need to discuss with a sexual partner. Don't be afraid to ask if someone has been tested, if they have a condom, are they on birth control, these are important questions you have every right to know.

   Speaking of sex in relationships, that's what this post is all about, when is a good time to finally take that next step with someone? Every relationship is different and sex can mean different things to different couples so this is all just my personal opinion, like everything I write about, but this is also a blog post coming from someone who doesn't see themselves as a sexual person. Look away mom, but sex isn't something I'm not passionate about, not that I haven't done it or currently don't but like I said, everyone is different when it comes to sex. Maybe it's because I'm not in a relationship to share that bond with, who knows? Sex is something that can happen so easily nowadays before you even start to date someone, maybe sex is the spark that gets you two to talk to each other after what you thought may have been a one night stand turns into a great relationships. To quote the movie I love to quote in these posts, He's Just Not That Into You, this goes back to the someone being the exception and someone being the rule so just because someone had a one night stand and it turned into an amazing relationship does not mean it's going to happen for you too. Kudos to you all out there that have that luck because I firmly believe in the statement, "be sure to test drive the car before you buy it" but I even more firmly believe in the statement, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Both of these work so well when it comes to sex, so just be careful because you never know which statement someone is going for when they try and go to the next level.

   One night stands are void of this blog post because most of us have been there and that's pretty black and white unlike friends with benefits, whole other blog post, but maybe you are that couple that wants to wait until the perfect moment, not meaning marriage, but you don't want to jump in and start the relationship off with sex. Why not wait for the magical fireworks moment when you know you're in love? Nothing, so we shouldn't be judging someone just because they haven't had sex with their significant other yet because every relationship is different. We live in a world now where sex is so prevalent that we would judge someone for waiting to have sex, thanks Cosmo. In all seriousness,  I don't there could ever be a scientific study saying waiting or not waiting helps a relationship because you're going to see it different in every couple there is. You just have to decide, do you want to wait or do you trust this person enough to think something more could come from just having sex? Just never hesitate to ask the important questions, if the person doesn't want to answer then it really isn't worth the risk, but to each their own. This is the time to make mistakes, just be careful about who you make them with!

P.S. This post has nothing to do with people waiting until marriage. Kudos to you, you're the real MVP.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What Kind of Man // Florence + The Machine

20 Somethings Are The New Adults

   Sometimes the things we need to hear come from ourselves. We are at that age, I'm assuming most of you reading this are around my age, and we wake up every day not knowing if we know for sure what we want to do with our lives or are we making the right decision with our lives. Well let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier after you graduate and I'm okay with that. We never know if what we are doing with our lives is the right thing or are we even doing a good job at being adults. I love my job and I make a "living", but do other people look at me as a server and think that I'm being an adult or making an living for myself? Probably not, and that's okay with me because this confirmation that you're doing productive things with your life has to first come within yourself. We are all ultimately working towards a goal in our lives. Becoming a college graduate, finding a "real" job, being the person we always thought we would be. This is the time in our lives we get to find out if we are becoming that person. If you're not, look how to make that original plan better, we are welcome to change plans with our lives every day.

    Whenever I wake up I do occasionally think, "Am I being a productive adult? Is there something I can do to seem more like an adult?" The answer is no, because I'm doing pretty damn well by myself already. It's a good thing that I question myself, I'm open to grow and be more open-minded to new situations and what can happen around me. I wouldn't have it any other way because I enjoy being self-aware of who I am and how to be a better person every day. I have a full time job and I can pay my bills on time, something I'm damn proud of because I know this is part of being an adult, this way part of my life as an undergraduate and I know it is the life of many other people I know as well. If you can wake up and you have your own money to pay your bills then you're doing a lot better than plenty of other people out there in the real world so enjoy having that self-confidence in yourself.

   At this point in our lives, close to graduating or already graduating we have to make the mental list of all the things we wish we could tell our younger selves so we wouldn't make all the mistakes we made growing up. The best part, we shouldn't regret any of those mistakes because it puts me in a place now where I can buy things I need, somethings I don't need, pay my rent and for the most part live a life where I am the adult in my life. I love my parents and I know if I ever need them for anything they will be there in a second, but there is a joy of not having to need them to help me with financial or life choices. I know the decisions I need to make down the road in my life and that all falls back on me, no one else. Wake up, look in the mirror each morning and see if that person is someone you are okay with being because you are welcome to change that at any point in your life. Change your degree, go get a new degree, get your master's. find a new job, move to a new city, you are the adult in your life now so it's time to take charge and make these choices based on your happiness. No one else's because you can find someone that makes you happy but your happiness ultimately relies on you because you have to be happy with yourself first.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Numbers // FKA Twigs

I Should Delete That Song

   All this snow is happening today so I thought it would be a perfect time to write a post in the comfort of my bed and I had a friend recently who has not really talked about her ex for a while and saw a picture of him with his new girlfriend and it just brought back feelings, emotions and a topic of conversation. The point of this post, just because we say we are over someone does it mean we are?  

   When are we supposed to know we are truly over someone? I mean, it may never happen when you think about it. It can be months after a breakup and than you hear that one song you all listened to, you pass by your favorite place to eat together or something triggers a thought and it all comes rushing back. It can hit you like a brick wall when you least expect it, just when you think you are getting over that last hurdle you trip and it feels like you're just going to have to start over again. We know this tends to take time, but we don't know how much time is supposed to past. Should we feel bad if it happens sooner than we thought? People have horror stories of it taking years before they were able to move on and everyone has their own process and it doesn't mean anything about you if you are able to move on quicker than you expected. Maybe it says more about the person you were with if you are able to move on fast. What steps should we take to move on? Sometimes if you have a breakup that you both agree on then you're fine to keep following them on social media, you're okay to see them going out with someone in public or maybe even one day go on a...dare I say it, double date? Some people say you can't be friends with an ex, I can't personally speak about this because I'm not friends with any of mine, BUT I know people that are and it works just fine! There is clearly a level you can't cross if this happens and you have to make sure boundaries are set, especially when one of you gets in a new relationship because you never know if that crazy part of you is going to snap when they actually do move on.

   Than we have the couples who don't have such a perfect breakup and it ends up being a scene from Kill Bill the way you both act around each other. You don't necessarily want to seem bitter and unfollow them on social media, but if seeing them infuriates you or makes you upset then it might be what is best. There is nothing stopping you from following them back later if and when you seem ready to be updated on their life, but for now don't hesitate to take time for yourself and Pinterest inspirational quotes. Depending on the breakup you're allowed to be bitter and talk shit for a few days to your friends while we all tell you how bad of a person they were. But this goes for everyone, please only take a few days, that's all you really need. You obviously might need more time to move on and come to terms but if all you do is complain abut the person then you're never going to be able to move on so don't go overboard. As your friends we can only repeat he's a dick or she was a bitch so often to get the point across to you, but we will do it as long as you need us too. Doesn't mean we won't be there to help burn a box of their things or go out with you because you never know what a person is going through or how they are handling a situation, as best friends we just have to be there and support them.

I know not a long post this time around, but this is something that needed to be short and sweet. Plus I have to find a way to enjoy this snow today!


Here to say it,
postgradgay

What Kind Of Man // Florence + the Machine

The Single Friend on Valentine's Day

   Now before you start reading this post, go open you a bottle of wine and get Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill playing on repeat. It's almost that time of the year, Valentine's Day, the day that scares all of us single folk to buying multiple bottles of wine and binge watching Parks and Recreation and He's Just Not That Into You all day. Most of us are perfectly okay with this, myself included, but we can't help but be a little bitter to all of our friends in flourishing relationships having romantic dinners and doing relationship activities on this dark day. For the most part we all are very happy for our friends in relationships, it just always works out that our single friends are all at work, because we requested to be, and we are forced to be alone while we drown our sorrows in two buck Chucks and ice cream. It's impossible to go anywhere on this day in a public setting because of what we are forced to see


       Restaurants are no good because we are eating alone while others are surrounded by candlelight
                 Bars are full of couples or other single people who are only looking for one thing
     Movies, you're surrounded by middle schoolers having make out sessions in the row in front of you
         Social media is covered with happy relationship pictures and sappy status updates

   Our only safe haven is a Chinese buffet where no one is there to judge you and you are very content and happy with posting your romantic meal for one on Instagram just to rub it in everyone's face. One thing we are starting to learn about V-Day, it's a perfect day for self reflection, and that we get realize that we can be very happy on our own as independent people who don't need no man/woman. Don't get me wrong, I would probably be one of those sappy people if I was in a committed relationship on this day but through my 24 years of living I've never had a serious relationship during this time. It's just worked out that we've been on a break, broke up right before or started dating right after. It's shown me a lot throughout the years since I've always had a group of friends who have been in relationships and have gotten to experience all the sappy and lovely memories. I've enjoyed having those nights of binge watching TV shows and being sappy with your single friends because sometimes those are the only valentines you need and at the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.

   But we can never forget Galentine's Day, my personal favorite day of the year that my favorite show Parks and Recreation taught us about, because it's the day you grab all those single friends and you get to steal your friends in a relationship for this one day. It's the day before Valentine's Day and it's just a day you go around and tell your friends how much you love them, don't be afraid to exchange gifts, and have a day for you all. Treat yo self! The best part about this day, you get to do it year round, but this is your chance to be extra sappy and just enjoy your day with each other before all the restaurants and bars are surrounded by couples making out while enjoying their cosmos and buckets of beer. I'm writing this post now because the month of February has officially begun and no one is safe from the romantic posts and all of the #mcm and #wcw leading up to Valentine's Day. Hopefully by this point in the post you have started your second glass of wine, we both know you need it, and buckle down for what is to come with this month. Go out and buy the movie Valentine's Day and don't hesitate to binge watch after the day is over and consume plenty of discount chocolate because you earned it! You made it another year, being the single friend, being independent, and just learning to love yourself even more before you decide to share that love with someone else.
Don't worry friends in relationships, we still love you and hope for the best for you, just don't show us anything your significant other got you unless you plan on sharing it, we've gotten all of our tears out for the day, or we just resorted to opening the boxed wine we've had in the back of the refrigerator waiting for this day.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

You Oughta Know // Alanis Morissette

Can A Bottle of Wine Propose?

   Who told who that we all needed someone to make ourselves happy? Not trying to sound cynical, I hope to one day have the white picket fence and my own hot tub in my bedroom but growing up we always hear that we need to be with someone to make ourselves happy. No, I'm not calling anyone out with this blog and I think this can literally apply to anyone. It all boils down to loving yourself before you think you're ready to love someone else. I know I don't truly love myself whole heartedly right now so why give someone only half of me instead of all of me? They don't deserve that and I know I don't either. This is the month of love, and don't forget that it's also Black History Month, but now more than ever we are expected to be happy and swooning over someone. Like I said, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS IF YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION, just not for me right now and that's why this is blog is being written. Something someone can find so attractive in someone else in confidence and that's something we all need, myself included so focus on yourself. Do yoga, find ideas on Pinterest, eat a quart of ice cream, do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself because that's the only approval that matters.

   We all want what we can't have. We love the chase, the challenge, the experience of going through that pain of having your heart broken or someone not being interested in you like you are with them. Well let me tell you, it's not going to get any easier. Sometimes it takes a few times of getting denied and knocked down to understand that maybe you aren't ready and you don't have to be. We are in our 20's, so young, take a page out of some of our friends books that seem to be doing it right. I know I look at people around me and tell myself I want what they have but on my own schedule because I don't think I need it right now. If that guy or girl isn't interested in you use the ever so reliable, Bye Felicia, and move on. When you find that confidence down the road and you see that they suddenly find interest in you, you might be in a place in your life where you have that confidence and you no longer wish to be with that person. Confidence in yourself can really change a lot of your perspectives because it puts you in a place that you normally don't find yourself and there is no reason to think any differently in yourself because of that.

   Long story short, love yourself and be happy with who you are before you feel the need to share that happiness with someone else because you're the only person that matters in a relationship no matter how long you're with someone. I'm sure I've repeated a lot of this information in previous blogs and I"m sure I'll say it more in future blogs to come but that doesn't mean we don't need to realize who we are as independent people. Love isn't an easy thing to come by, but why should it come from yourself last? Confidence is a sexy trait so be sure that you are the first one to find it, don't let it fade because you are the one that let's that shine. You need to realize you can survive on your own because you never know at any point in your life you could be on your own, but you know you always have your friends there. We don't go anywhere and we don't plan on it. Don't ever think we are going anywhere and don't ever think you need someone by your side to help your self worth. I think you're beautiful and that's all that really matters.

Here to say it..because I love you,
postgradgay

I'm Not Your Hero // Tegan and Sara

Where's Peter Pan When You Need Him?

   Part of me starting this blog was to help me figure out why am I here, what is it I want to do with my life, so far it's been pretty helpful but there was a part of me leading up to where I am now that I was clueless about what I wanted to do. Now that I've graduated I have people asking me what I'm doing, where are you working? I'm a still a server so back off and wipe that look off of your face because for the moment I'm loving it. The thing is, they act so quickly after you graduate. I graduated last May and they were asking me these questions before the end of the month, I'm sure there are people that are more over prepared than I was and did have jobs but I wasn't one of them. I thought about where I wanted to live and how I was going to make a living for myself and right now I'm doing just fine making that living being a server. I've got plenty of big ideas going on in my mind, just have to figure out how to make so many of them happen. I've already started one by starting this blog and I have you all to thank for going on this journey with me.
 
   I've been a college graduate for almost a year now, hold the applause, I love what I got my degree in and I had an amazing time at my undergrad but I look at my life now and I do the inevitable is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? I wouldn't change a thing about college but we are forced to choose a degree so quickly, we can't be one of those people who go in undecided and stay that way for three years!  We tend to make rash and quick decisions and stick it with and you always have that group that will change one to two hundred times over their course as an undergrad. I'm 24 and what I've mainly done with jobs in my young life is working in the service industry, and while I'm sure professional server looks great on a resume I need to find out what I actually want to do. How is it we know what we want to be doing for the rest of our lives? We all have that thought in our head when we have that one bad day, what if there are more bad days, could I handle it, do I want to handle it? For those who don't know, my degree was in education and I have all the respect in the world for teachers, it runs in my blood from both of my amazing parents, so I figured it was something I wanted to do. After experiencing what my teachers and professors did for me and seeing what my parents did for their students I thought it was something I wanted to do...not the case. I was student teaching, which I loved too, but I got to think if this was something I wanted to do for the next 30-40 years and I looked at myself and decided it wasn't. I didn't know what it was I wanted to do, but I knew it wasn't that and I didn't want to lie about that to myself anymore.

   I got my appendix out a couple months ago and it was a scary time for me and I had that epiphany of "Do I want to die being a SERVER?" Well the answer is no and while I was in recovery with my parents taking care of me I finally got time to think about my life and what all I wanted to do with it. It took some time because I've never been passionate about many things in my life when it comes to something you can do as a job. Unless I can become an actor instantly or a camp counselor starts paying a lot better I didn't really know what I wanted to do. This is the moment where a famous person is reading this blog and offers me a job writing or acting. Just ask me for my phone number and you got it! That epiphany really put me on the right track and it made me want to go to grad school, which I will hopefully be starting in the fall, and it also made me realize there is never a rush to figuring out what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with doing odd end jobs until you decide because we all have to pay rent and bills, so be a server, get a job in your field to build your resume, do something because any of these things can help you get to where you want to be. All I know is that we all have to grow up eventually, it's just up to you to decide when.


Here to say it,
postgradgay

Always Take You Back // Night Terrors of 1927

Drunk In...I Don't Even Know

   One of the sayings I live by is "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" and for the most part it has never steered me wrong, but between myself and just seeing everyone around me that never really takes place when it comes to someone we are attracted to. We are like zombies once we reach that inebriation level and we just wander back and forth until we detect the first person we see that we feel like we should be attracted and that is who we set our eyes on for the night. Once you get drunk you really just tell who you want by the smell of fear and detecting them by heat so it's safe to say we aren't picky. We can hear our more sober friends advising us not to make this decision, or if they are your best friends they are probably pushing you to make this not so great decision and that's why we keep them around. We all have experienced or heard the story of going to bed with a 9 or 10 and waking up with a 5 or 6..sometimes lower, don't lie to your friends because they already know. I'm not sure why we like to throw our inhibitions out the window, of course it's the alcohol, but that is one of the few things you really can't trust when you're intoxicated, who are you trying to go home with? Once that alcohol hits your lips and it's almost time for last call you start the search because God forbid you just go home, eat your weight in French Toast Crunch and watch Kill Bill on repeat. Nope, we have to already plan to hate ourselves in the morning so you might as well start mentally preparing yourself before you even go out if you know you're that type of person.

   Something that I've also noticed, you don't have to wasted to make these poor choices, just that touch of alcohol and you are ready to scour the bar, but there is the person that we know we are going to go home with if we both have drank. You can always rely on old faithful in these situations if that's what you're looking for, only requirement is no one get attached and it's only when you are both intoxicated. You have a great time with this person and it's always fun but there comes a time when it's daylight out and they are asking you to go to lunch. You know you possibly can't start throwing back pitchers at noon, unless it's spring break, but you have to think about if you really want to make this move with this person. You realize that sober you really isn't a fan and you start to wonder how the whole thing ever got started, alcohol. If your immediate thought when this person wants to hang out is no or you keep making excuses to not hang out with them than that really says how you feel so save you both the trouble and be honest with the person, always be HONEST. This goes for any kind of relationship, it's never worth it. If someone wants to be with someone else than they will make it happen, simple as that.
(thanks again He's Just Not That Into You)
                                       We can't stop lying to ourselves about this, sometimes it's just not in us to see this person in daylight, not that big of a deal. We are all human and we all make bad decisions when we just get too drunk. Take out the friends who won't let you make these decisions for a while and just have fun! People care too much about sex nowadays and not enough about just having fun with those around you. If that happens to be someone you are attracted to, play it by ear and see how it goes but there is no reason to force it because it definitely won't come across the way you want it to after an hour or two of bottomless cup.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Ain't Gonna Drown // Elle King

First Date Jitters

   There are few things more terrifying than a first date and that doesn't include being in a room full of snakes and picture day because those are nothing compared to that. There are so many things going through your head, and this just may apply to girls and us gays, but I know straight guys have very similar fears. There is that chance where you genuinely know the person you are going on a date with if it's through mutual friends or you have known them for a while and you both decide to take it to another level. You than at least know the topics you can discuss, know a lot about the person beforehand, and will know a good date to take them on. This already takes a lot of weight off your shoulders but you have to wonder if the date will just seem like two friends going out together or if it means something more, so you can't treat it like just another day with this person. You want to get dressed up, you want to take them somewhere fancier and you want them to have a good time with you and this is something you have to be careful about that it won't be awkward the whole time. Just make it something fun, you still want to keep it more casual because you can't risk that awkwardness of trying too hard, just have a good time. Grab those mutual friends you have, be sure to call dibs, because you are going to need them to help you get ready and talk you through how it's going to go, don't hesitate to ask them for date ideas, where to go. what to wear, just how to help you plan the night. When it comes to going on a first date with a friend you should be able to ride together, it really doesn't matter if the girl or guy drives, gays, you just have a mutual agreement on this one. You can always drive separate because you never know if a date is going to go sour, don't rely on the mutual friends to do the fake hurry home phone call because no one wants to be in the middle of that situation. Just play the evening by ear and if you want the mutual friends to meet you at the next location if the date isn't going as planned than just go for it, you both know how the evening is going at that point.

   Than there is the blind date, the one that scares us most of all. Through social media and online dating, thanks Tinder, we have an idea of what the person looks like beforehand so we at least know we have that physical attraction. Be wary of that person who is just really good at taking selfies and knows there lighting well, find an actual picture of this person before the blind date so you aren't necessarily blind sided when you get there. If this first date you set up yourself you have hopefully been talking to the person in some form to get to know them better so the evening won't be entirely awkward when you are thinking of topics to bring up during whatever it is you are doing. Whoever is planning the date, don't hesitate to make it something fun and spontaneous, but still gives you a chance to have a genuine conversation with this person. You don't want anything to take away from a conversation, that is the whole point of the date! We all worry about doing a boring date, just avoid the movies, but the only thing that matters is that you are getting to know the person and you don't feel like it's a dry date.

   Now if this is the blind date your friend is setting up, this is where the real fun begins. Again, thanks to social media or a picture your friend showed you, you probably have an idea that you are physically attracted to this person but that is all you really know, except the things your friend told you to make them sound spectacular, so you are on your own when it comes to topics and what to do for a date. This is where a nice, simple dinner might be best, but if the date goes well it is fine to ask if they want to go somewhere for drinks after. Spontaneity is one of the main things people find attractive in someone, not that you should make the date bungee jumping, but changing things up never hurt anybody. The hardest part will be getting ready before the date because your hair doesn't look how you had it the other day, that shirt or dress suddenly makes you look frumpy, and all of your friends are at work so they can't help you get ready. Do the mental talk to yourself, listen to some old 90's music and just breathe. The more you psych yourself out before the date even starts will determine how the entire night goes. If the date is just dinner, don't get drunk, play off of the person you are with. See how many drinks they are having and how they are handling their alcohol, you don't really want your inhibitions gone on the first date, keep it slow. With that being said, this is definitely my own opinion, DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, meeting for the first time, or have slept together in the past, you shouldn't chance anything by sleeping that quickly because than your relationship will just revolve around sex. I'm not saying if you do it your relationship will fail, I know people that are very happy and they had sex early on, but like everything I say on this blog it is my opinion so take it as you will. I'm just a single gay guy in a big city so what do I know?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Baby Don't Lie // Gwen Stefani

So You Got Stood Up?

   A friend of mine was recently stood up by a guy, I asked permission to mention them in this post, and it got me thinking about what should one do in that kind of situation. No one wants to admit they got stood up, especially while it is happening! It's the last thought that goes through your mind because you are giving this person every excuse in the book; they are just running late, they are having car troubles, maybe there phone is dead, was it something I did? Last thing you want to admit is that they just aren't coming at all and they aren't even bothering to tell you. This is a quick note to everyone, most people would much rather prefer that you tell them you aren't coming or make up some lie, honestly, over getting stood up. It's not a good feeling by any means so kudos to you who it has never happened to. Friends can stand you up to, but you can call them out, you see them all the time. It's when you think you are going on a date and you never hear back from the person, well we are in a day and age where you better turn off those read receipts because you just look like a douchebag, and this goes for girls too. No one is guilty of being stood up, plenty of us have been there and it's not fun when the waiter has to come up and refill your water for the third time or you start getting a buzz as it starts to sink they might not show and you wish you hadn't ordered the whole bottle of chardonnay.

   The tricky part is what do you do as the person being stood up when you finally come to terms with the fact they won't show? First things first, get the check ASAP and don't make eye contact with anyone in that restaurant, or wherever you are but still stay strong as you walk out. More than likely everyone knows what just happened, but you just leave like you planned this entire evening. We obviously want to call this person and yell at them and ask why they stood you up but chances are they are going to be staying clear from you for a while because they know the wrath that is to come. Know what you should do, in my opinion mind you, call a bunch of your friends and go out on the town and be sure to take plenty of photos of how much fun you are having. You should not, by any means, get trashed because we know the bad decisions you are going to do. You're going to blow up the person's phone with calls and texts, leave insane voicemails and cry to your friends out at the bar and we do not need that. You might need a good cry, no one is going to blame you, but you wait until you're home watching He's Just Not That Into You to do that. No need to show off the night you're having, but make it a point that you still had a good time that night and whatever malice they may have had towards standing you up will be forgotten. Feel free to block them from social media, but that part is truly up to you, you don't have to. If they care about you and something happened with the night they will try and reach out to you no matter what so you might want to give them a chance to at least explain, but I am not saying you should go running back to them by any means and you will immediately know if the person is talking out of their ass or not so feel free to stop them in their tracks.

   Now there is that one person every blue moon that really did have car troubles, or they dropped their phone in a puddle and didn't know what to do. Like I said earlier, you will know if the person is being sincere on how quick they reach out to you or try to meet with you later in the evening, beware the booty call, but we are all human. I like to reference He's Just Not That Into You because it is one of my favorite movies and I love the line about when you hear a story about how your friend forgave the person who stood them up and now they are happily married, well they are the exception and that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen to you. Most people who stand you up are just not worth your time, it's as simple as that. If this a first date stand up situation than you can go ahead and scratch that name out of your little black book and look the other way. If this is a second, third date than you might want to try and reach out to the person, without being overbearing, just to discover the situation but sometimes the first date just wasn't as good as you thought it was and people don't always have the heart to say no to a second date. They think they are being nice by saying yes to the date, but be honest with the person, this goes back to them rather hearing no to a second date than yes and being stood up. Like most problems with dating and relationships this is a situation by situation scenario, so play it as you will. Just remember, you might as well finish that bottle of chardonnay you ordered.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Begin Again // Purity Ring

The Pressure to Live At the Gym

   Who doesn't make some kind of new years resolution to start going to the gym or exercising more at the beginning of the year? I know I usually do, but I did decide to make it a little different this year. I had my appendix out at the end of November last year and still am not able to lift over 10 pounds until the end of this week. With that being said I knew I wouldn't be able to make, and eventually break, my resolution of going to the gym more. That being said not having the ability to really do much at the gym I have been doing as much as I can while at home and have surpassed my week challenge of being a vegetarian and am still holding strong. It's my own personal way of completing my new years resolution. My eyes have been opened from the outside looking in because I have already seen so many people break so many resolutions that they set for themselves. This was the prime reason I was setting my weekly challenges. I'm one for one and that is more than what some people can say for their resolutions. The next challenge I'm setting for myself is far more than a week, 90 days to be exact, at the beginning of next week I'll be starting P90X at home while I'm finally able to start lifting again. I know it's a big challenge, but I am more than excited to get this one started, especially since my roommate will be joining me for this challenge. If there is one thing I've learned, it always helps doing any kind of goal if you have someone going for the same one.

   I've had some friends starting Crossfit over the past few months and now that they are hearing I am able to lift again and wanting to start these new challenges they want me to join this crazy cult of weight lifters. Don't get me wrong, I see that it does wonders for people, and I would have no problem doing it but it scares the hell out of me. I hear about this thing called the academy there where they teach you how to use the weights and learn about all of that and I find that as my next challenge, because like I said earlier, I have a friend who is willing to do challenge with me when she is ready. That just so happens to be ready after I am done with my P90X challenge. I do like Crossfit though because you aren't "going to the gym" because it is a separate entity in itself and that is a factor I like. Basically, I'm sick of the pressure we get for having to the live at the gym because it's an awful place to be. I've enjoyed finding new ways to get in shape, work out, be healthy, without going to the gym! We all know those people who work out year round who call out all the people at the beginning of the year and sometimes don't make it through the year, but either way for those few short months those people there are at least trying to better themselves and you mocking them on social media surely won't help anyone continue on their resolutions journey. Let us be those snobs that Instagram pictures of our healthy meal we made for ourselves or our transitioning photos because we are proud and we want to show it.

   Long post short, don't pressure people to go the gym, you can pressure them to just live their lives better because some people need that kick in the ass...me included! If you do like going to the gym, that is fine! It clearly works for some people and I know people that will gladly welcome and help people that need when they are there, it just scares the shit out of me is all. Hopefully I can make a new post soon if my body doesn't break in half from P90X but I do hope this post helps someone face their fears of going to the gym or finding a new way to do what you can do there. I'm not saying go out and join a Crossfit gym, which couldn't hurt, or start P90X, which could kill you, but find a workout regimen on Youtube, go to yoga, walk around your neighborhood a few times. You do you, because you are beautiful no matter what.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

2 On // Tinashe

What Dating Has Become

   It's crazy to look at what society and ourselves have turned dating into. We've gone to having someone doing a scavenger hunt to get asked to prom to seeing how many RT's they can get on Twitter. You don't even know if you like someone unless you match on Tinder, than you just have to be a match made in heaven. No one meets organically anymore and it's crazy to think about because maybe that's why all of us single people just don't get it, we don't want to. When we go out to a bar you might see someone you like, but they might not see you because they won't look up from their phone or they are too busy posting a picture of their food on Instagram. If you're lucky enough to get those RT's or the person you swiped right on isn't a complete psycho than we get to go to the fun part, dating! Unfortunately, that usually means going to see a movie and a dinner at some semi romantic restaurant. I get dinner and a movie, it's old faithful, but that doesn't need to be one of the first three dates, simple as that. We all say we like spontaneity in a partner and someone who likes to be adventurous, yet we will take going to their place and bonging beers with their fraternity brothers as a date. No one likes to put that extra thought in a date, take me bowling, I would pick that over dinner and a movie any day because it's random and you can just be silly and have a good time. You want to see a movie that bad? Go to a drive-in, that little bit of spontaneity is going to make a big difference to the person you're trying to swoon.

   One of the first three dates should never be, want to come over and drink? We all know what that translates to, especially if it's just going to be the two of you. Want to come over and have sex? Might as well make it easier and just ask that and skip all the nonsense  of trying to make that person believe you might actually want a relationship. I'm not saying sex before you are actually "dating" can ruin any chances, I'm not saying it helps either, but to each their own with that situation. Rachel Green from Friends said it best, "Build a foundation with someone, become their friend and than find out if it's someone you want to date." Damn you Jennifer Aniston, you just blew my mind because it makes perfect sense, but who wants to make that kind of time commitment anymore? I'm not sure why those of us in are 20's are in such a rush to skip the fun process of dating. That's our chance to make crazy decisions, go to a beach somewhere, visit a music festival, adopt a dog and realize it's too much of a responsibility, trying to cook a meal and burning down the kitchen, this is what we should be doing. I know couples that do these types of things and that's the kind of relationship I'm jealous of and this is what this post is about. Not that you can never make a date dinner and a movie, sometimes that's all you need, but nowadays you have those first few dates to really show someone who you are and if you think taking someone to see The Interview on a first date, unless for reason they would love that, than it can only go so far. This is your chance to show your personality so let them see it!

   Who doesn't want to feel those butterflies when you're getting ready for a first date and think of every possibility of how the night is going to go? I mean I still get butterflies before going to Chipotle so I could only imagine how I would be on a date. If you don't feel nervous, what does that mean? It seems like dates are becoming an easy way to name a booty call now. Someone you're with gives you the challenge of trying to impress them everyday, in your own way mind you. Dating is all about having fun with this person and that is exactly what you should be doing. And this is a note to everyone, but after your amazing first date, because you went out and did something fun, call them the next day to tell them how it went and ask them out again, do not text them. Especially if you are one of THOSE people who use shorthand text, you shouldn't date. Again, these are simply my opinions and I'm sticking to them.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Seven Wonders // Fleetwood Mac

Keep Your Leash

   We usually hate that we can't contain how we feel about someone, if you like someone it's just as simple as that. You try to be mad at them and you might be able to keep that compare on the outside but on the inside you just can't stay mad at them and you just want attention from them. Who doesn't want attention and that feeling of being wanted? The worst part is when you are being lead on by someone that you like solely because they know you do. They keep you far enough away so you don't get too attached but keep you close enough so you don't stray. I like to call these people, assholes, because it just doesn't make any sense. I'm no Kylie Jenner so it isn't like I have a list of men waiting for me but I just don't see why anyone would enjoy this. If you aren't genuinely into someone than there is about 3000 ways to let someone down the right way so both parties aren't hurt or it's awkward to keep hanging out with them.

   It's the worst when the person you like is someone you are friends with or see a good amount because you never want to admit to yourself, or anyone else, what your feeling. You don't want to lose them as a friend so you put up with being lead on because not having them in your life just seems s strange. Just when you think those feelings are going away or it was all in your head they text you or like a photo on your Instagram like they knew you were thinking about. They had to throw that fishing rod out hoping to reel you back in just a little bit. It's always something so subtle too, that like on Instagram could have been the tragic accidental "like" hit and that text they sent could have one reply than you don't hear back and all these thoughts come rushing through your head. Being lead on is just another reason we stay awake at night watching He's Just Not That Into You and thinking "What's wrong with me?" And people wonder why women and gay men are considered crazy, WE OVERTHINK THINGS. Everyone knows this too, it's just another game to some people and I can't even finish a game of Monopoly so I'm not sure why they think I'm here to play this game. Give me back my sanity and be straightforward to me! I can't speak for everyone but I just think the easiest way to end this back and forth of being lead on is to just be honest with that person. Don't be afraid to mention that you aren't sure where you stand and ask them what they think about you two taking it to the next level.

   Honestly, prepare for the worst because we all know life isn't perfect but it's better if you find out sooner rather than later....trust me. Make both your lives easier and since they are being that asshole I mentioned earlier and just enjoying the ride than don't hesitate to reconsider how much time you are spending with this person after you get your answer. You never know, you just might get that answer you want to hear and I truly hope that for all of you. I'll be bitter but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for you, we are all a little bitter. So go out there, take the leash off and hand it back. Just etch out the number on your collar so they can't call you back.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Foreigner's God // Hozier

Going Vegetarian

   The title to this post might be a little misleading, I am not trying to go full on vegetarian forever but I would like to see if I could do it. We all set these great, extravagant new years resolutions and it's usually one that we weren't able to fulfill the past two years so we think to just try again. We don't realize these little goals we set can be just as fulfilling as the huge ones because we have more of a chance to finish the little goals and we still get that satisfaction of completing them. Instead of saying exercise everyday and working out why not say, I want to lose a few pounds a month or instead of saying find the person you want to marry, say you that will go on a few dates this year. It's just as rewarding to complete anything, especially after graduating college. It's nice to say you can complete anything without your parents breathing down your neck about when you are going to take the GRE.

   With this whole going vegetarian thing, I guess you could say it's a spinoff of one of my resolutions. I made one to eat healthier in general and I thought why not give myself little challenges throughout the year to make sure I'm following my own plan. My roommate is a vegetarian so my first thought was to try that because I knew I would have for her help since I've never done anything like this before. I have a few other challenges that have crossed my mind, but I have thought about doing something like this before so this seemed like the perfect time. I know plenty of people think, I love salads, I could be a vegetarian for sure....That's definitely not the case in this situation. I enjoy salads, but I don't think I could live off of that for a whole week. That's the glorious part that people don't realize, how many options you have as a vegetarian so I'm also looking forward to just opening my eyes about a different lifestyle from mine and gain an experience from it. It's not a big deal, but that's why I'm calling these "mini challenges" because that's what they are. Maybe later in the year I will try for two weeks or even longer depending on how difficult I find how this week will go.

   As we can see by the date at the top of this post it is January 10th and I plan on starting this challenge Sunday, January 11th until the following Sunday January 18th. One of the bigger challenges I see myself facing is just remembering that I am doing this challenge. Eating meat is so second nature to most of us that we don't realize that it's even happening, but we know the minute we start eating something green what's going on. I hope for this to be a nice healthy jumpstart to my year of healthy eating, although I do plan for it continue for much longer, but since I just had surgery a month I am still not able to do much working out wise so this is the best I can do. That's why I'm excited about these mini challenges and I plan on posting almost every other day to keep you updated on the progress of me going vegetarian. I'll put down some meal choices I've done, how hard/easy it's going and just how my health is being affected. If you have any other ideas for mini challenges I can do this year feel free to leave a comment below.

Here to say it,

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Jolene // The Weepies