The Perpetual 5th Wheel

   We all know someone who is a third wheel most of the time, and maybe that person is you. We can't forget the just as lovely, fifth wheel some of us are forced to face with. Being a third wheel is bad enough, most couples are considerate enough to notice that there is just that one other friend with them so they can usually keep the PDA down to a minimum, if we're lucky. You sometimes get out of being the third wheel because you have that other single friend you love to tag along and help save you at the same time. It's a good give and take when a friend is in a relationship, to have that single friend that they aren't trying to hook you up with, but still save you from the awkwardness that is bound to occur.

   What happens when that other single friend gets in a relationship? To quote one of my favorite 80's movies, The Breakfast Club, "It'll be anarchy!" And it can be...that couple that was so good at keeping the PDA to a minimum well this other couple does just a little bit too and then they start to feel comfortable because they think no one is looking at them when there is another couple right next to them going at it like middle schoolers in a movie theater. That is when we tend to forget the ever so delightful fifth wheel. Just like how you forget you have the spare tire in the trunk of your car after you run over a broken beer bottle on the highway. Don't mind us, we will continue to watch the movie we just started 15 minutes ago, or finish that slice of pizza you seem to have forgotten about, or use our invisibility to escape mid tongue lock. You turn back and see that pitiful look you're getting from your friends because we all know why you're leaving, to go drown your sorrows with red wine and watch Muppet Treasure Island...this might be hitting a little too close to home now.

   In all seriousness, it's not anyone's fault you're a fifth wheel, this is just a way of life and it's your turn to play the part. It doesn't get weird until they feel the need to start setting you up with everyone they know in order to attempt having six wheels at once. I personally don't feel safe driving like that and I also don't mind currently being that fifth wheel. I have plenty more things to discover about myself before I would rather make out with someone than watch Parks and Recreation for the 10th time that day. Also, to ALL you couples out there, quit trying to be cutesy in front of other people, it's only cute to you and everyone else is bitter. One more thing couples, be wary of the plans you're making when inviting the fifth wheel to join. We are going to be miserable at game night, because we are going to be forced to play with a friend we don't like or don't plan on sleeping with. When it comes to this, we prefer to the night to ourselves, or get into a drunken stupor with our other single friends and enjoy this same hangover coffee I'm enjoying now while writing this entry in a coffee shop because I don't have wifi and I've been meaning to write this one for a while.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Happy With Me // HOLYCHILD

Should You Even Wear White?

   It's something most of us have to suffer year round, but it is officially that time so many of us single folk dread. WEDDING SEASON. I'm sure this whole post will make me, or all single people, sound bitter during this time of the year, but it is simply not the case! I haven't had the joy of being a groomsmen or a groomsmaid, but I love going to weddings. Mainly if an open bar is involved, but that is besides the point. I also haven't been to a wedding that involved one of my closest friends, so I will admit I am a little biased on the whole wedding season ordeal so keep on reading if you want to hear my opinion. To the men reading this, it's called wedding season for a reason, so be a little more creative with those proposals, unless of course she is determined to have in this period then live on the edge! I'm not saying break out the flash mob, but we believe in you.

   I have a number of friends who are super talented photographers and I know they make money taking engagement photos but some of the poses, which I know are sometimes couples ideas, make me want to cry. I really don't need to see how many ways you can hold hands in a green pasture in your Sunday's best. Find a couple good photos, stick with that and share with the world. I don't need to see the color version, the black and white version, the sepia tone version, that's for you and the photographer to mull over and share with your family. I know we have family on social media, but don't mind the other 500+ people you have on your list that are forced to suffer. Photographer friends, you're all amazing, keep up the good work, not putting this on you all at all!

   Back to the proposals, unless he/she did it in a really cool way I don't care to see it. Most of us know how proposals work when they get on one knee and ask. Again, I get wanting to film it for the memory and sharing with family, but most of us don't care. If he asks while hang gliding or after coming in riding on a polar bear then I'm sure I can get the gist of how it went down. All I know is, marriage is an amazing thing and I'm happy for anyone who gets the joy of marriage, I'm waiting on you Kentucky to let me do the same. Marriage isn't always what we think it's going to be, look at Carrie and Big, I'm still bitter about that scenario, but that could be a whole other post.

   Don't worry, those of us not getting married will slap on that happy face and attend your wedding with our other single friends who don't even know you as our date. Just make sure that open bar is stocked heavily for those of us refusing to do the chicken dance on the dance floor with your aunt. Cheers.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What You Waiting For? // Gwen Stefani

Is Butter A Carb?

   One of my all time favorite quotes is, "If you can't love yourself then how the hell are you supposed to love somebody else?" For those of you who don't know that quote is from RuPaul, one of my personal heroes. I've been hearing RuPaul say that on his show for years but just recently I think I finally start to understand what it means. After graduating college, having my appendix taking out, moving to a new city, making new friends and finally starting to get my life on track I've finally started to love myself. It's a daily struggle to look in the mirror and be okay with what is looking back at you and not too long ago I wasn't okay with that. Let's face it, like any gay man I have plenty of insecurities roaming around my head at all times so it's just something you have to, in light of a better term, get over it. It was the one day I told myself, get your fat ass off the couch and go get a gym membership and don't waste it like you have in the past. We all love to get gym memberships, go a couple days to feel better about ourselves and then we never see the inside of that place again. We have all done it, I know I have more than once.

   The point is, you have to be the person to motivate yourself. My parents have been telling me my whole life to do what I'm doing now but I had to be the one to tell myself because hearing it from anyone else isn't going to help. It's great to hear encouraging words and positive feedback for what you are accomplishing, but it still always will fall back on you. YOU have to make time, YOU have to find the motivation, YOU have to be willing to do it. I'm still not even there. I'm at a point where I enjoy going to the gym, I like having a salad everyone now and than and I like feeling better about myself. You think that means I'm ever going to go for a run outside? Because I just can't find a good enough reason to do that to myself. You think I'll ever meal prep and start a crazy diet? Because I'm not going to completely cut out something unhealthy I might like. I'm looking at you Chipotle.

   I know I'm no life coach, and plenty of people can go ahead and call bullshit for this post but I didn't write this to praise myself or make anyone feel bad. It's just to say if I can do it, it's safe to say pretty much anyone can and I am proud of the progress I've made. I just hope I can continue to show progress and if that inspires one person then I'm perfectly okay with that. If it doesn't, I'll still be okay with it as long as I know I'm trying my best. You just have to be willing to do the same.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Will You Dance? // The Bird and the Bee

The Desire To Travel

   Wanting to travel is a common thing to desire in your 20's, especially after you graduate because this is your chance to explore. If you get that adult job you have the money to travel, or you still have all that graduation money you got from your grandparents and you want to put it to good use, so why not? We all seem to find reasons to not travel, no matter how badly we want to. For the most part the only traveling experiences we have our school trips, family vacations, and the occasional spring break to Panama City Beach, at least I think I went? All of these trips are fun, we wouldn't change a thing, and we may have learned something from them. (I'm looking at you PCB) Traveling after college is your chance to really discover a lot about the world around you and yourself while your at it. There is no reason your first big adventure should be going to Europe, travel a few hours to the next big city out of your state. Take baby steps, this might not be the vacation of your dreams but it can lead to that! You need to see how you act when you travel somewhere new. How were you at finding a place to stay, did you bring enough money, how much money did you have left over, did you enjoy the people you went with? These are things we can only learn when we experience them and there is nothing wrong with that because it's part of becoming an adult.

   You need to plan this trip a long time in advance. You want to make sure it's something you really want to do and have the time and money for because this is your time, especially if it's the big trip you've been waiting for since you moved out of your parents house. Set a long term goal of where you want to visit, put so much money aside each paycheck and book that hotel as soon as you can because you aren't going to want to turn around after already putting money down on this adventure. There is nothing like grabbing a couple friends, hopping in your car and making a random drive but this isn't Crossroads and you aren't Britney Spears so be careful whenever you make all of these plans because you need friends who are in it and there is no turning back once the trip has been planned.

   We all need to escape in some point in our lives, a trip is perfect for this but it shouldn't be for running away. It should just be to get away because there is nothing like leaving our lives for a few days, or even longer and just relax and forget about everything you have going on in your life back home because trust me, that will be waiting for you right when you get back. So will Netflix though, so you shouldn't be too stressed out about it. I know spring break is right around the corner for those of you still in school, but don't hesitate to go ahead and plan that next big trip now, who says it can't be to a beach anyway? I'm already looking forward to my first big adventure as a graduate and I know it is going to be needed by the time it gets underway. Student loans can wait just a little bit longer, can't they?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Sun Models // ODESZA

Does Waiting Really Change Anything?

    SEX. I know it's more apparent in younger and younger age groups but I'm just focusing on our age group, us 20 somethings, because that's what I can most relate to and personally experienced growing up. There is such a stigma in talking about sex and it's such a taboo topic in conversation and I don't really get why. It's the reason we are here, so we should be able to be comfortable talking about it. Why feel so uncomfortable when someone asks you how old you were when you lost your virginity, were you in a relationship at the time, how many sexual partners have you had? Granted, these are all personal questions and you don't have to answer, but why not? Most people who know me know I'll answer just about any question you ask me, not even just revolving around sex, especially when it comes to educating someone about the LGBT community and my personal lifestyle. There is no reason to judge someone who has had multiple sexual partners, just be having safe sex, but if it is safe than who are we to judge? I would personally be rather jealous of this person and I know most people would, but who's going to admit it? I will. Virginity is a hard one, literally no pun intended, because we don't know the circumstances for anyone's situation so if they don't want to answer there is no need to pursue the answer, maybe this person will tell you when they feel more comfortable to talk about it. Sex questions are nothing to be taboo about and it's something you are definitely going to need to discuss with a sexual partner. Don't be afraid to ask if someone has been tested, if they have a condom, are they on birth control, these are important questions you have every right to know.

   Speaking of sex in relationships, that's what this post is all about, when is a good time to finally take that next step with someone? Every relationship is different and sex can mean different things to different couples so this is all just my personal opinion, like everything I write about, but this is also a blog post coming from someone who doesn't see themselves as a sexual person. Look away mom, but sex isn't something I'm not passionate about, not that I haven't done it or currently don't but like I said, everyone is different when it comes to sex. Maybe it's because I'm not in a relationship to share that bond with, who knows? Sex is something that can happen so easily nowadays before you even start to date someone, maybe sex is the spark that gets you two to talk to each other after what you thought may have been a one night stand turns into a great relationships. To quote the movie I love to quote in these posts, He's Just Not That Into You, this goes back to the someone being the exception and someone being the rule so just because someone had a one night stand and it turned into an amazing relationship does not mean it's going to happen for you too. Kudos to you all out there that have that luck because I firmly believe in the statement, "be sure to test drive the car before you buy it" but I even more firmly believe in the statement, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Both of these work so well when it comes to sex, so just be careful because you never know which statement someone is going for when they try and go to the next level.

   One night stands are void of this blog post because most of us have been there and that's pretty black and white unlike friends with benefits, whole other blog post, but maybe you are that couple that wants to wait until the perfect moment, not meaning marriage, but you don't want to jump in and start the relationship off with sex. Why not wait for the magical fireworks moment when you know you're in love? Nothing, so we shouldn't be judging someone just because they haven't had sex with their significant other yet because every relationship is different. We live in a world now where sex is so prevalent that we would judge someone for waiting to have sex, thanks Cosmo. In all seriousness,  I don't there could ever be a scientific study saying waiting or not waiting helps a relationship because you're going to see it different in every couple there is. You just have to decide, do you want to wait or do you trust this person enough to think something more could come from just having sex? Just never hesitate to ask the important questions, if the person doesn't want to answer then it really isn't worth the risk, but to each their own. This is the time to make mistakes, just be careful about who you make them with!

P.S. This post has nothing to do with people waiting until marriage. Kudos to you, you're the real MVP.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What Kind of Man // Florence + The Machine

The Single Friend on Valentine's Day

   Now before you start reading this post, go open you a bottle of wine and get Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill playing on repeat. It's almost that time of the year, Valentine's Day, the day that scares all of us single folk to buying multiple bottles of wine and binge watching Parks and Recreation and He's Just Not That Into You all day. Most of us are perfectly okay with this, myself included, but we can't help but be a little bitter to all of our friends in flourishing relationships having romantic dinners and doing relationship activities on this dark day. For the most part we all are very happy for our friends in relationships, it just always works out that our single friends are all at work, because we requested to be, and we are forced to be alone while we drown our sorrows in two buck Chucks and ice cream. It's impossible to go anywhere on this day in a public setting because of what we are forced to see


       Restaurants are no good because we are eating alone while others are surrounded by candlelight
                 Bars are full of couples or other single people who are only looking for one thing
     Movies, you're surrounded by middle schoolers having make out sessions in the row in front of you
         Social media is covered with happy relationship pictures and sappy status updates

   Our only safe haven is a Chinese buffet where no one is there to judge you and you are very content and happy with posting your romantic meal for one on Instagram just to rub it in everyone's face. One thing we are starting to learn about V-Day, it's a perfect day for self reflection, and that we get realize that we can be very happy on our own as independent people who don't need no man/woman. Don't get me wrong, I would probably be one of those sappy people if I was in a committed relationship on this day but through my 24 years of living I've never had a serious relationship during this time. It's just worked out that we've been on a break, broke up right before or started dating right after. It's shown me a lot throughout the years since I've always had a group of friends who have been in relationships and have gotten to experience all the sappy and lovely memories. I've enjoyed having those nights of binge watching TV shows and being sappy with your single friends because sometimes those are the only valentines you need and at the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.

   But we can never forget Galentine's Day, my personal favorite day of the year that my favorite show Parks and Recreation taught us about, because it's the day you grab all those single friends and you get to steal your friends in a relationship for this one day. It's the day before Valentine's Day and it's just a day you go around and tell your friends how much you love them, don't be afraid to exchange gifts, and have a day for you all. Treat yo self! The best part about this day, you get to do it year round, but this is your chance to be extra sappy and just enjoy your day with each other before all the restaurants and bars are surrounded by couples making out while enjoying their cosmos and buckets of beer. I'm writing this post now because the month of February has officially begun and no one is safe from the romantic posts and all of the #mcm and #wcw leading up to Valentine's Day. Hopefully by this point in the post you have started your second glass of wine, we both know you need it, and buckle down for what is to come with this month. Go out and buy the movie Valentine's Day and don't hesitate to binge watch after the day is over and consume plenty of discount chocolate because you earned it! You made it another year, being the single friend, being independent, and just learning to love yourself even more before you decide to share that love with someone else.
Don't worry friends in relationships, we still love you and hope for the best for you, just don't show us anything your significant other got you unless you plan on sharing it, we've gotten all of our tears out for the day, or we just resorted to opening the boxed wine we've had in the back of the refrigerator waiting for this day.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

You Oughta Know // Alanis Morissette

Can A Bottle of Wine Propose?

   Who told who that we all needed someone to make ourselves happy? Not trying to sound cynical, I hope to one day have the white picket fence and my own hot tub in my bedroom but growing up we always hear that we need to be with someone to make ourselves happy. No, I'm not calling anyone out with this blog and I think this can literally apply to anyone. It all boils down to loving yourself before you think you're ready to love someone else. I know I don't truly love myself whole heartedly right now so why give someone only half of me instead of all of me? They don't deserve that and I know I don't either. This is the month of love, and don't forget that it's also Black History Month, but now more than ever we are expected to be happy and swooning over someone. Like I said, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS IF YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION, just not for me right now and that's why this is blog is being written. Something someone can find so attractive in someone else in confidence and that's something we all need, myself included so focus on yourself. Do yoga, find ideas on Pinterest, eat a quart of ice cream, do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself because that's the only approval that matters.

   We all want what we can't have. We love the chase, the challenge, the experience of going through that pain of having your heart broken or someone not being interested in you like you are with them. Well let me tell you, it's not going to get any easier. Sometimes it takes a few times of getting denied and knocked down to understand that maybe you aren't ready and you don't have to be. We are in our 20's, so young, take a page out of some of our friends books that seem to be doing it right. I know I look at people around me and tell myself I want what they have but on my own schedule because I don't think I need it right now. If that guy or girl isn't interested in you use the ever so reliable, Bye Felicia, and move on. When you find that confidence down the road and you see that they suddenly find interest in you, you might be in a place in your life where you have that confidence and you no longer wish to be with that person. Confidence in yourself can really change a lot of your perspectives because it puts you in a place that you normally don't find yourself and there is no reason to think any differently in yourself because of that.

   Long story short, love yourself and be happy with who you are before you feel the need to share that happiness with someone else because you're the only person that matters in a relationship no matter how long you're with someone. I'm sure I've repeated a lot of this information in previous blogs and I"m sure I'll say it more in future blogs to come but that doesn't mean we don't need to realize who we are as independent people. Love isn't an easy thing to come by, but why should it come from yourself last? Confidence is a sexy trait so be sure that you are the first one to find it, don't let it fade because you are the one that let's that shine. You need to realize you can survive on your own because you never know at any point in your life you could be on your own, but you know you always have your friends there. We don't go anywhere and we don't plan on it. Don't ever think we are going anywhere and don't ever think you need someone by your side to help your self worth. I think you're beautiful and that's all that really matters.

Here to say it..because I love you,
postgradgay

I'm Not Your Hero // Tegan and Sara

Where's Peter Pan When You Need Him?

   Part of me starting this blog was to help me figure out why am I here, what is it I want to do with my life, so far it's been pretty helpful but there was a part of me leading up to where I am now that I was clueless about what I wanted to do. Now that I've graduated I have people asking me what I'm doing, where are you working? I'm a still a server so back off and wipe that look off of your face because for the moment I'm loving it. The thing is, they act so quickly after you graduate. I graduated last May and they were asking me these questions before the end of the month, I'm sure there are people that are more over prepared than I was and did have jobs but I wasn't one of them. I thought about where I wanted to live and how I was going to make a living for myself and right now I'm doing just fine making that living being a server. I've got plenty of big ideas going on in my mind, just have to figure out how to make so many of them happen. I've already started one by starting this blog and I have you all to thank for going on this journey with me.
 
   I've been a college graduate for almost a year now, hold the applause, I love what I got my degree in and I had an amazing time at my undergrad but I look at my life now and I do the inevitable is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? I wouldn't change a thing about college but we are forced to choose a degree so quickly, we can't be one of those people who go in undecided and stay that way for three years!  We tend to make rash and quick decisions and stick it with and you always have that group that will change one to two hundred times over their course as an undergrad. I'm 24 and what I've mainly done with jobs in my young life is working in the service industry, and while I'm sure professional server looks great on a resume I need to find out what I actually want to do. How is it we know what we want to be doing for the rest of our lives? We all have that thought in our head when we have that one bad day, what if there are more bad days, could I handle it, do I want to handle it? For those who don't know, my degree was in education and I have all the respect in the world for teachers, it runs in my blood from both of my amazing parents, so I figured it was something I wanted to do. After experiencing what my teachers and professors did for me and seeing what my parents did for their students I thought it was something I wanted to do...not the case. I was student teaching, which I loved too, but I got to think if this was something I wanted to do for the next 30-40 years and I looked at myself and decided it wasn't. I didn't know what it was I wanted to do, but I knew it wasn't that and I didn't want to lie about that to myself anymore.

   I got my appendix out a couple months ago and it was a scary time for me and I had that epiphany of "Do I want to die being a SERVER?" Well the answer is no and while I was in recovery with my parents taking care of me I finally got time to think about my life and what all I wanted to do with it. It took some time because I've never been passionate about many things in my life when it comes to something you can do as a job. Unless I can become an actor instantly or a camp counselor starts paying a lot better I didn't really know what I wanted to do. This is the moment where a famous person is reading this blog and offers me a job writing or acting. Just ask me for my phone number and you got it! That epiphany really put me on the right track and it made me want to go to grad school, which I will hopefully be starting in the fall, and it also made me realize there is never a rush to figuring out what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with doing odd end jobs until you decide because we all have to pay rent and bills, so be a server, get a job in your field to build your resume, do something because any of these things can help you get to where you want to be. All I know is that we all have to grow up eventually, it's just up to you to decide when.


Here to say it,
postgradgay

Always Take You Back // Night Terrors of 1927

Drunk In...I Don't Even Know

   One of the sayings I live by is "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" and for the most part it has never steered me wrong, but between myself and just seeing everyone around me that never really takes place when it comes to someone we are attracted to. We are like zombies once we reach that inebriation level and we just wander back and forth until we detect the first person we see that we feel like we should be attracted and that is who we set our eyes on for the night. Once you get drunk you really just tell who you want by the smell of fear and detecting them by heat so it's safe to say we aren't picky. We can hear our more sober friends advising us not to make this decision, or if they are your best friends they are probably pushing you to make this not so great decision and that's why we keep them around. We all have experienced or heard the story of going to bed with a 9 or 10 and waking up with a 5 or 6..sometimes lower, don't lie to your friends because they already know. I'm not sure why we like to throw our inhibitions out the window, of course it's the alcohol, but that is one of the few things you really can't trust when you're intoxicated, who are you trying to go home with? Once that alcohol hits your lips and it's almost time for last call you start the search because God forbid you just go home, eat your weight in French Toast Crunch and watch Kill Bill on repeat. Nope, we have to already plan to hate ourselves in the morning so you might as well start mentally preparing yourself before you even go out if you know you're that type of person.

   Something that I've also noticed, you don't have to wasted to make these poor choices, just that touch of alcohol and you are ready to scour the bar, but there is the person that we know we are going to go home with if we both have drank. You can always rely on old faithful in these situations if that's what you're looking for, only requirement is no one get attached and it's only when you are both intoxicated. You have a great time with this person and it's always fun but there comes a time when it's daylight out and they are asking you to go to lunch. You know you possibly can't start throwing back pitchers at noon, unless it's spring break, but you have to think about if you really want to make this move with this person. You realize that sober you really isn't a fan and you start to wonder how the whole thing ever got started, alcohol. If your immediate thought when this person wants to hang out is no or you keep making excuses to not hang out with them than that really says how you feel so save you both the trouble and be honest with the person, always be HONEST. This goes for any kind of relationship, it's never worth it. If someone wants to be with someone else than they will make it happen, simple as that.
(thanks again He's Just Not That Into You)
                                       We can't stop lying to ourselves about this, sometimes it's just not in us to see this person in daylight, not that big of a deal. We are all human and we all make bad decisions when we just get too drunk. Take out the friends who won't let you make these decisions for a while and just have fun! People care too much about sex nowadays and not enough about just having fun with those around you. If that happens to be someone you are attracted to, play it by ear and see how it goes but there is no reason to force it because it definitely won't come across the way you want it to after an hour or two of bottomless cup.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Ain't Gonna Drown // Elle King

First Date Jitters

   There are few things more terrifying than a first date and that doesn't include being in a room full of snakes and picture day because those are nothing compared to that. There are so many things going through your head, and this just may apply to girls and us gays, but I know straight guys have very similar fears. There is that chance where you genuinely know the person you are going on a date with if it's through mutual friends or you have known them for a while and you both decide to take it to another level. You than at least know the topics you can discuss, know a lot about the person beforehand, and will know a good date to take them on. This already takes a lot of weight off your shoulders but you have to wonder if the date will just seem like two friends going out together or if it means something more, so you can't treat it like just another day with this person. You want to get dressed up, you want to take them somewhere fancier and you want them to have a good time with you and this is something you have to be careful about that it won't be awkward the whole time. Just make it something fun, you still want to keep it more casual because you can't risk that awkwardness of trying too hard, just have a good time. Grab those mutual friends you have, be sure to call dibs, because you are going to need them to help you get ready and talk you through how it's going to go, don't hesitate to ask them for date ideas, where to go. what to wear, just how to help you plan the night. When it comes to going on a first date with a friend you should be able to ride together, it really doesn't matter if the girl or guy drives, gays, you just have a mutual agreement on this one. You can always drive separate because you never know if a date is going to go sour, don't rely on the mutual friends to do the fake hurry home phone call because no one wants to be in the middle of that situation. Just play the evening by ear and if you want the mutual friends to meet you at the next location if the date isn't going as planned than just go for it, you both know how the evening is going at that point.

   Than there is the blind date, the one that scares us most of all. Through social media and online dating, thanks Tinder, we have an idea of what the person looks like beforehand so we at least know we have that physical attraction. Be wary of that person who is just really good at taking selfies and knows there lighting well, find an actual picture of this person before the blind date so you aren't necessarily blind sided when you get there. If this first date you set up yourself you have hopefully been talking to the person in some form to get to know them better so the evening won't be entirely awkward when you are thinking of topics to bring up during whatever it is you are doing. Whoever is planning the date, don't hesitate to make it something fun and spontaneous, but still gives you a chance to have a genuine conversation with this person. You don't want anything to take away from a conversation, that is the whole point of the date! We all worry about doing a boring date, just avoid the movies, but the only thing that matters is that you are getting to know the person and you don't feel like it's a dry date.

   Now if this is the blind date your friend is setting up, this is where the real fun begins. Again, thanks to social media or a picture your friend showed you, you probably have an idea that you are physically attracted to this person but that is all you really know, except the things your friend told you to make them sound spectacular, so you are on your own when it comes to topics and what to do for a date. This is where a nice, simple dinner might be best, but if the date goes well it is fine to ask if they want to go somewhere for drinks after. Spontaneity is one of the main things people find attractive in someone, not that you should make the date bungee jumping, but changing things up never hurt anybody. The hardest part will be getting ready before the date because your hair doesn't look how you had it the other day, that shirt or dress suddenly makes you look frumpy, and all of your friends are at work so they can't help you get ready. Do the mental talk to yourself, listen to some old 90's music and just breathe. The more you psych yourself out before the date even starts will determine how the entire night goes. If the date is just dinner, don't get drunk, play off of the person you are with. See how many drinks they are having and how they are handling their alcohol, you don't really want your inhibitions gone on the first date, keep it slow. With that being said, this is definitely my own opinion, DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, meeting for the first time, or have slept together in the past, you shouldn't chance anything by sleeping that quickly because than your relationship will just revolve around sex. I'm not saying if you do it your relationship will fail, I know people that are very happy and they had sex early on, but like everything I say on this blog it is my opinion so take it as you will. I'm just a single gay guy in a big city so what do I know?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Baby Don't Lie // Gwen Stefani