The Hookup Culture

   Is such bullshit. I mean, talk about the struggle to try and actually date someone. We put ourselves in these boxes to wait for the exact right person who we think is good enough because dates are so rare we assume we just crawl out of our box when we think we find the right person and go for it. Or we just have sex and hope that doesn't ruin the whole prospect of trying to actually stay with someone. I know I've said this before, but sex when you first meet someone or when your first trying to date someone is going to go one of two ways, bad or good. You just have to wait and see if it's really worth the risk. What if we want to be that nice person who waits and doesn't want to rush anything? Well, we get screwed. Some people will consider you aren't interested because you aren't in a hurry to put a label on it, or taking it to the next level, or going to third base (whatever the hell that means now). Maybe we are just being considerate or we like to take things at our own pace, I know I'm in no rush, but that doesn't mean it's not worth the time. To quote a friend of mine, "We live in a world where hooking up is the new dating and we all feel shitty about ourselves because if we're not hooking up with someone then we think we're never going to be in a relationship. It's quite sad." I immediately read that and added it to this post because she summed up the whole point of this paragraph.

   Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.

   We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara

Is Butter A Carb?

   One of my all time favorite quotes is, "If you can't love yourself then how the hell are you supposed to love somebody else?" For those of you who don't know that quote is from RuPaul, one of my personal heroes. I've been hearing RuPaul say that on his show for years but just recently I think I finally start to understand what it means. After graduating college, having my appendix taking out, moving to a new city, making new friends and finally starting to get my life on track I've finally started to love myself. It's a daily struggle to look in the mirror and be okay with what is looking back at you and not too long ago I wasn't okay with that. Let's face it, like any gay man I have plenty of insecurities roaming around my head at all times so it's just something you have to, in light of a better term, get over it. It was the one day I told myself, get your fat ass off the couch and go get a gym membership and don't waste it like you have in the past. We all love to get gym memberships, go a couple days to feel better about ourselves and then we never see the inside of that place again. We have all done it, I know I have more than once.

   The point is, you have to be the person to motivate yourself. My parents have been telling me my whole life to do what I'm doing now but I had to be the one to tell myself because hearing it from anyone else isn't going to help. It's great to hear encouraging words and positive feedback for what you are accomplishing, but it still always will fall back on you. YOU have to make time, YOU have to find the motivation, YOU have to be willing to do it. I'm still not even there. I'm at a point where I enjoy going to the gym, I like having a salad everyone now and than and I like feeling better about myself. You think that means I'm ever going to go for a run outside? Because I just can't find a good enough reason to do that to myself. You think I'll ever meal prep and start a crazy diet? Because I'm not going to completely cut out something unhealthy I might like. I'm looking at you Chipotle.

   I know I'm no life coach, and plenty of people can go ahead and call bullshit for this post but I didn't write this to praise myself or make anyone feel bad. It's just to say if I can do it, it's safe to say pretty much anyone can and I am proud of the progress I've made. I just hope I can continue to show progress and if that inspires one person then I'm perfectly okay with that. If it doesn't, I'll still be okay with it as long as I know I'm trying my best. You just have to be willing to do the same.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Will You Dance? // The Bird and the Bee