The Hookup Culture

   Is such bullshit. I mean, talk about the struggle to try and actually date someone. We put ourselves in these boxes to wait for the exact right person who we think is good enough because dates are so rare we assume we just crawl out of our box when we think we find the right person and go for it. Or we just have sex and hope that doesn't ruin the whole prospect of trying to actually stay with someone. I know I've said this before, but sex when you first meet someone or when your first trying to date someone is going to go one of two ways, bad or good. You just have to wait and see if it's really worth the risk. What if we want to be that nice person who waits and doesn't want to rush anything? Well, we get screwed. Some people will consider you aren't interested because you aren't in a hurry to put a label on it, or taking it to the next level, or going to third base (whatever the hell that means now). Maybe we are just being considerate or we like to take things at our own pace, I know I'm in no rush, but that doesn't mean it's not worth the time. To quote a friend of mine, "We live in a world where hooking up is the new dating and we all feel shitty about ourselves because if we're not hooking up with someone then we think we're never going to be in a relationship. It's quite sad." I immediately read that and added it to this post because she summed up the whole point of this paragraph.

   Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.

   We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara

I Should Delete That Song

   All this snow is happening today so I thought it would be a perfect time to write a post in the comfort of my bed and I had a friend recently who has not really talked about her ex for a while and saw a picture of him with his new girlfriend and it just brought back feelings, emotions and a topic of conversation. The point of this post, just because we say we are over someone does it mean we are?  

   When are we supposed to know we are truly over someone? I mean, it may never happen when you think about it. It can be months after a breakup and than you hear that one song you all listened to, you pass by your favorite place to eat together or something triggers a thought and it all comes rushing back. It can hit you like a brick wall when you least expect it, just when you think you are getting over that last hurdle you trip and it feels like you're just going to have to start over again. We know this tends to take time, but we don't know how much time is supposed to past. Should we feel bad if it happens sooner than we thought? People have horror stories of it taking years before they were able to move on and everyone has their own process and it doesn't mean anything about you if you are able to move on quicker than you expected. Maybe it says more about the person you were with if you are able to move on fast. What steps should we take to move on? Sometimes if you have a breakup that you both agree on then you're fine to keep following them on social media, you're okay to see them going out with someone in public or maybe even one day go on a...dare I say it, double date? Some people say you can't be friends with an ex, I can't personally speak about this because I'm not friends with any of mine, BUT I know people that are and it works just fine! There is clearly a level you can't cross if this happens and you have to make sure boundaries are set, especially when one of you gets in a new relationship because you never know if that crazy part of you is going to snap when they actually do move on.

   Than we have the couples who don't have such a perfect breakup and it ends up being a scene from Kill Bill the way you both act around each other. You don't necessarily want to seem bitter and unfollow them on social media, but if seeing them infuriates you or makes you upset then it might be what is best. There is nothing stopping you from following them back later if and when you seem ready to be updated on their life, but for now don't hesitate to take time for yourself and Pinterest inspirational quotes. Depending on the breakup you're allowed to be bitter and talk shit for a few days to your friends while we all tell you how bad of a person they were. But this goes for everyone, please only take a few days, that's all you really need. You obviously might need more time to move on and come to terms but if all you do is complain abut the person then you're never going to be able to move on so don't go overboard. As your friends we can only repeat he's a dick or she was a bitch so often to get the point across to you, but we will do it as long as you need us too. Doesn't mean we won't be there to help burn a box of their things or go out with you because you never know what a person is going through or how they are handling a situation, as best friends we just have to be there and support them.

I know not a long post this time around, but this is something that needed to be short and sweet. Plus I have to find a way to enjoy this snow today!


Here to say it,
postgradgay

What Kind Of Man // Florence + the Machine

Drunk In...I Don't Even Know

   One of the sayings I live by is "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" and for the most part it has never steered me wrong, but between myself and just seeing everyone around me that never really takes place when it comes to someone we are attracted to. We are like zombies once we reach that inebriation level and we just wander back and forth until we detect the first person we see that we feel like we should be attracted and that is who we set our eyes on for the night. Once you get drunk you really just tell who you want by the smell of fear and detecting them by heat so it's safe to say we aren't picky. We can hear our more sober friends advising us not to make this decision, or if they are your best friends they are probably pushing you to make this not so great decision and that's why we keep them around. We all have experienced or heard the story of going to bed with a 9 or 10 and waking up with a 5 or 6..sometimes lower, don't lie to your friends because they already know. I'm not sure why we like to throw our inhibitions out the window, of course it's the alcohol, but that is one of the few things you really can't trust when you're intoxicated, who are you trying to go home with? Once that alcohol hits your lips and it's almost time for last call you start the search because God forbid you just go home, eat your weight in French Toast Crunch and watch Kill Bill on repeat. Nope, we have to already plan to hate ourselves in the morning so you might as well start mentally preparing yourself before you even go out if you know you're that type of person.

   Something that I've also noticed, you don't have to wasted to make these poor choices, just that touch of alcohol and you are ready to scour the bar, but there is the person that we know we are going to go home with if we both have drank. You can always rely on old faithful in these situations if that's what you're looking for, only requirement is no one get attached and it's only when you are both intoxicated. You have a great time with this person and it's always fun but there comes a time when it's daylight out and they are asking you to go to lunch. You know you possibly can't start throwing back pitchers at noon, unless it's spring break, but you have to think about if you really want to make this move with this person. You realize that sober you really isn't a fan and you start to wonder how the whole thing ever got started, alcohol. If your immediate thought when this person wants to hang out is no or you keep making excuses to not hang out with them than that really says how you feel so save you both the trouble and be honest with the person, always be HONEST. This goes for any kind of relationship, it's never worth it. If someone wants to be with someone else than they will make it happen, simple as that.
(thanks again He's Just Not That Into You)
                                       We can't stop lying to ourselves about this, sometimes it's just not in us to see this person in daylight, not that big of a deal. We are all human and we all make bad decisions when we just get too drunk. Take out the friends who won't let you make these decisions for a while and just have fun! People care too much about sex nowadays and not enough about just having fun with those around you. If that happens to be someone you are attracted to, play it by ear and see how it goes but there is no reason to force it because it definitely won't come across the way you want it to after an hour or two of bottomless cup.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Ain't Gonna Drown // Elle King

The Pressure to Live At the Gym

   Who doesn't make some kind of new years resolution to start going to the gym or exercising more at the beginning of the year? I know I usually do, but I did decide to make it a little different this year. I had my appendix out at the end of November last year and still am not able to lift over 10 pounds until the end of this week. With that being said I knew I wouldn't be able to make, and eventually break, my resolution of going to the gym more. That being said not having the ability to really do much at the gym I have been doing as much as I can while at home and have surpassed my week challenge of being a vegetarian and am still holding strong. It's my own personal way of completing my new years resolution. My eyes have been opened from the outside looking in because I have already seen so many people break so many resolutions that they set for themselves. This was the prime reason I was setting my weekly challenges. I'm one for one and that is more than what some people can say for their resolutions. The next challenge I'm setting for myself is far more than a week, 90 days to be exact, at the beginning of next week I'll be starting P90X at home while I'm finally able to start lifting again. I know it's a big challenge, but I am more than excited to get this one started, especially since my roommate will be joining me for this challenge. If there is one thing I've learned, it always helps doing any kind of goal if you have someone going for the same one.

   I've had some friends starting Crossfit over the past few months and now that they are hearing I am able to lift again and wanting to start these new challenges they want me to join this crazy cult of weight lifters. Don't get me wrong, I see that it does wonders for people, and I would have no problem doing it but it scares the hell out of me. I hear about this thing called the academy there where they teach you how to use the weights and learn about all of that and I find that as my next challenge, because like I said earlier, I have a friend who is willing to do challenge with me when she is ready. That just so happens to be ready after I am done with my P90X challenge. I do like Crossfit though because you aren't "going to the gym" because it is a separate entity in itself and that is a factor I like. Basically, I'm sick of the pressure we get for having to the live at the gym because it's an awful place to be. I've enjoyed finding new ways to get in shape, work out, be healthy, without going to the gym! We all know those people who work out year round who call out all the people at the beginning of the year and sometimes don't make it through the year, but either way for those few short months those people there are at least trying to better themselves and you mocking them on social media surely won't help anyone continue on their resolutions journey. Let us be those snobs that Instagram pictures of our healthy meal we made for ourselves or our transitioning photos because we are proud and we want to show it.

   Long post short, don't pressure people to go the gym, you can pressure them to just live their lives better because some people need that kick in the ass...me included! If you do like going to the gym, that is fine! It clearly works for some people and I know people that will gladly welcome and help people that need when they are there, it just scares the shit out of me is all. Hopefully I can make a new post soon if my body doesn't break in half from P90X but I do hope this post helps someone face their fears of going to the gym or finding a new way to do what you can do there. I'm not saying go out and join a Crossfit gym, which couldn't hurt, or start P90X, which could kill you, but find a workout regimen on Youtube, go to yoga, walk around your neighborhood a few times. You do you, because you are beautiful no matter what.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

2 On // Tinashe

Putting a Title On It

   "Don't fix it unless it's broken" is one of my favorite quotes and I think that quote goes very well with relationships. When you first start hanging out someone and feelings begin to grow that is one of the best times at the beginning of a relationship. It's your time to still be a free person and do whatever you want, but still know you have that person to talk to and see. When I say do whatever you want I don't mean sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry you come across, but that may be it for some people who like to stay in this phase. This is my favorite because it is a time that you can spend with someone where you really don't feel as much pressure from society, in this day and age just because you hang out with someone already makes you "official" or "exclusive" and that might be enough for some people. Just because you have the title of boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean all of the problems get fixed or society will leave you alone, in some cases it only gets worse. Do you think he/she is the one? Would you marry them? How many kids? Does he/she have a good job?

You're expected to know all of these questions after only a few months.

   I buy sweaters that I like at first but realize I don't after a couple months, so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to know if I will marry someone in that short amount of time. I'm not claiming to be a relationship guru, hell I'm not even in one, but these are only things I tend to notice or have experienced in my lifetime. These questions become more apparent after you graduate college and are finally out in the real world with a real job. Our parents don't seem to notice that the real world means we are broke, still serving tables and have to go back to school shortly after we leave the first time. The lucky few get their adult jobs out of the gate, but for the rest of us we still need to "discover ourselves". So many air quotes in this post, can you tell how I feel about the subject?

   The point is, why rush in putting a title on your relationship? Especially if you're happy without it, we all know adding a word doesn't do much and can sometimes only make the situation worse. I see why people would wish to add it and I wish them all the best, I just know I am in no rush to put a title on it. I still need to find that person to be in the beginning stage anyway so you never know how your opinions will change when you are put in the situation. That will come in a later post (hopefully).

Don't worry about what society thinks you should do in your relationship, your relationship isn't a Michael Kors purse and that's the only time putting a title on it is absolutely necessary. The person you're asking to hold off putting the title on for should be completely understandable and if they have a problem with you wanting to wait, but still be exclusive, than that should be a red flag for you that the title and putting it on Facebook is more important than the actual dating experience. All of my friends who have the title, I think they made the right decision, but like I will continue to say, I am no relationship expert so I can only for the best. I hope the best for all relationships, I'm nervous these posts will make people think I'm bitter, these are just my opinions and what I've seen in college and since graduating.

Just think, why is the title the most important?

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Ultraviolence // Lana Del Rey