Does Waiting Really Change Anything?

    SEX. I know it's more apparent in younger and younger age groups but I'm just focusing on our age group, us 20 somethings, because that's what I can most relate to and personally experienced growing up. There is such a stigma in talking about sex and it's such a taboo topic in conversation and I don't really get why. It's the reason we are here, so we should be able to be comfortable talking about it. Why feel so uncomfortable when someone asks you how old you were when you lost your virginity, were you in a relationship at the time, how many sexual partners have you had? Granted, these are all personal questions and you don't have to answer, but why not? Most people who know me know I'll answer just about any question you ask me, not even just revolving around sex, especially when it comes to educating someone about the LGBT community and my personal lifestyle. There is no reason to judge someone who has had multiple sexual partners, just be having safe sex, but if it is safe than who are we to judge? I would personally be rather jealous of this person and I know most people would, but who's going to admit it? I will. Virginity is a hard one, literally no pun intended, because we don't know the circumstances for anyone's situation so if they don't want to answer there is no need to pursue the answer, maybe this person will tell you when they feel more comfortable to talk about it. Sex questions are nothing to be taboo about and it's something you are definitely going to need to discuss with a sexual partner. Don't be afraid to ask if someone has been tested, if they have a condom, are they on birth control, these are important questions you have every right to know.

   Speaking of sex in relationships, that's what this post is all about, when is a good time to finally take that next step with someone? Every relationship is different and sex can mean different things to different couples so this is all just my personal opinion, like everything I write about, but this is also a blog post coming from someone who doesn't see themselves as a sexual person. Look away mom, but sex isn't something I'm not passionate about, not that I haven't done it or currently don't but like I said, everyone is different when it comes to sex. Maybe it's because I'm not in a relationship to share that bond with, who knows? Sex is something that can happen so easily nowadays before you even start to date someone, maybe sex is the spark that gets you two to talk to each other after what you thought may have been a one night stand turns into a great relationships. To quote the movie I love to quote in these posts, He's Just Not That Into You, this goes back to the someone being the exception and someone being the rule so just because someone had a one night stand and it turned into an amazing relationship does not mean it's going to happen for you too. Kudos to you all out there that have that luck because I firmly believe in the statement, "be sure to test drive the car before you buy it" but I even more firmly believe in the statement, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Both of these work so well when it comes to sex, so just be careful because you never know which statement someone is going for when they try and go to the next level.

   One night stands are void of this blog post because most of us have been there and that's pretty black and white unlike friends with benefits, whole other blog post, but maybe you are that couple that wants to wait until the perfect moment, not meaning marriage, but you don't want to jump in and start the relationship off with sex. Why not wait for the magical fireworks moment when you know you're in love? Nothing, so we shouldn't be judging someone just because they haven't had sex with their significant other yet because every relationship is different. We live in a world now where sex is so prevalent that we would judge someone for waiting to have sex, thanks Cosmo. In all seriousness,  I don't there could ever be a scientific study saying waiting or not waiting helps a relationship because you're going to see it different in every couple there is. You just have to decide, do you want to wait or do you trust this person enough to think something more could come from just having sex? Just never hesitate to ask the important questions, if the person doesn't want to answer then it really isn't worth the risk, but to each their own. This is the time to make mistakes, just be careful about who you make them with!

P.S. This post has nothing to do with people waiting until marriage. Kudos to you, you're the real MVP.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What Kind of Man // Florence + The Machine

The Pressure to Live At the Gym

   Who doesn't make some kind of new years resolution to start going to the gym or exercising more at the beginning of the year? I know I usually do, but I did decide to make it a little different this year. I had my appendix out at the end of November last year and still am not able to lift over 10 pounds until the end of this week. With that being said I knew I wouldn't be able to make, and eventually break, my resolution of going to the gym more. That being said not having the ability to really do much at the gym I have been doing as much as I can while at home and have surpassed my week challenge of being a vegetarian and am still holding strong. It's my own personal way of completing my new years resolution. My eyes have been opened from the outside looking in because I have already seen so many people break so many resolutions that they set for themselves. This was the prime reason I was setting my weekly challenges. I'm one for one and that is more than what some people can say for their resolutions. The next challenge I'm setting for myself is far more than a week, 90 days to be exact, at the beginning of next week I'll be starting P90X at home while I'm finally able to start lifting again. I know it's a big challenge, but I am more than excited to get this one started, especially since my roommate will be joining me for this challenge. If there is one thing I've learned, it always helps doing any kind of goal if you have someone going for the same one.

   I've had some friends starting Crossfit over the past few months and now that they are hearing I am able to lift again and wanting to start these new challenges they want me to join this crazy cult of weight lifters. Don't get me wrong, I see that it does wonders for people, and I would have no problem doing it but it scares the hell out of me. I hear about this thing called the academy there where they teach you how to use the weights and learn about all of that and I find that as my next challenge, because like I said earlier, I have a friend who is willing to do challenge with me when she is ready. That just so happens to be ready after I am done with my P90X challenge. I do like Crossfit though because you aren't "going to the gym" because it is a separate entity in itself and that is a factor I like. Basically, I'm sick of the pressure we get for having to the live at the gym because it's an awful place to be. I've enjoyed finding new ways to get in shape, work out, be healthy, without going to the gym! We all know those people who work out year round who call out all the people at the beginning of the year and sometimes don't make it through the year, but either way for those few short months those people there are at least trying to better themselves and you mocking them on social media surely won't help anyone continue on their resolutions journey. Let us be those snobs that Instagram pictures of our healthy meal we made for ourselves or our transitioning photos because we are proud and we want to show it.

   Long post short, don't pressure people to go the gym, you can pressure them to just live their lives better because some people need that kick in the ass...me included! If you do like going to the gym, that is fine! It clearly works for some people and I know people that will gladly welcome and help people that need when they are there, it just scares the shit out of me is all. Hopefully I can make a new post soon if my body doesn't break in half from P90X but I do hope this post helps someone face their fears of going to the gym or finding a new way to do what you can do there. I'm not saying go out and join a Crossfit gym, which couldn't hurt, or start P90X, which could kill you, but find a workout regimen on Youtube, go to yoga, walk around your neighborhood a few times. You do you, because you are beautiful no matter what.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

2 On // Tinashe

What Dating Has Become

   It's crazy to look at what society and ourselves have turned dating into. We've gone to having someone doing a scavenger hunt to get asked to prom to seeing how many RT's they can get on Twitter. You don't even know if you like someone unless you match on Tinder, than you just have to be a match made in heaven. No one meets organically anymore and it's crazy to think about because maybe that's why all of us single people just don't get it, we don't want to. When we go out to a bar you might see someone you like, but they might not see you because they won't look up from their phone or they are too busy posting a picture of their food on Instagram. If you're lucky enough to get those RT's or the person you swiped right on isn't a complete psycho than we get to go to the fun part, dating! Unfortunately, that usually means going to see a movie and a dinner at some semi romantic restaurant. I get dinner and a movie, it's old faithful, but that doesn't need to be one of the first three dates, simple as that. We all say we like spontaneity in a partner and someone who likes to be adventurous, yet we will take going to their place and bonging beers with their fraternity brothers as a date. No one likes to put that extra thought in a date, take me bowling, I would pick that over dinner and a movie any day because it's random and you can just be silly and have a good time. You want to see a movie that bad? Go to a drive-in, that little bit of spontaneity is going to make a big difference to the person you're trying to swoon.

   One of the first three dates should never be, want to come over and drink? We all know what that translates to, especially if it's just going to be the two of you. Want to come over and have sex? Might as well make it easier and just ask that and skip all the nonsense  of trying to make that person believe you might actually want a relationship. I'm not saying sex before you are actually "dating" can ruin any chances, I'm not saying it helps either, but to each their own with that situation. Rachel Green from Friends said it best, "Build a foundation with someone, become their friend and than find out if it's someone you want to date." Damn you Jennifer Aniston, you just blew my mind because it makes perfect sense, but who wants to make that kind of time commitment anymore? I'm not sure why those of us in are 20's are in such a rush to skip the fun process of dating. That's our chance to make crazy decisions, go to a beach somewhere, visit a music festival, adopt a dog and realize it's too much of a responsibility, trying to cook a meal and burning down the kitchen, this is what we should be doing. I know couples that do these types of things and that's the kind of relationship I'm jealous of and this is what this post is about. Not that you can never make a date dinner and a movie, sometimes that's all you need, but nowadays you have those first few dates to really show someone who you are and if you think taking someone to see The Interview on a first date, unless for reason they would love that, than it can only go so far. This is your chance to show your personality so let them see it!

   Who doesn't want to feel those butterflies when you're getting ready for a first date and think of every possibility of how the night is going to go? I mean I still get butterflies before going to Chipotle so I could only imagine how I would be on a date. If you don't feel nervous, what does that mean? It seems like dates are becoming an easy way to name a booty call now. Someone you're with gives you the challenge of trying to impress them everyday, in your own way mind you. Dating is all about having fun with this person and that is exactly what you should be doing. And this is a note to everyone, but after your amazing first date, because you went out and did something fun, call them the next day to tell them how it went and ask them out again, do not text them. Especially if you are one of THOSE people who use shorthand text, you shouldn't date. Again, these are simply my opinions and I'm sticking to them.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Seven Wonders // Fleetwood Mac

First Days of Being a Vegetarian

Day 1:

This seemed to be fairly easier than expected solely because I spent my whole day at work from the minute I woke up until I got home and went to bed. Granted I work at a restaurant but we were so busy that I didn't have time to even sit down and think about the fact that I wasn't eating meat. We ended our shift at work with a pizza that management bought for us so I ate a slice of cheese and called it a day. I know I should have eaten more and part of this challenge was to explore more food options and ways to make a meal without using any meat, but with a full time job it's easier said than done. I was glad that I didn't hit that craving wall of I need a burger or should I eat a chicken finger?

Day 2:

This started about the same as yesterday, I got up and went straight to work and managed not to have a chance to eat anything there because of how busy we were. I made it home around 7:30, this shift wasn't as long, and being a broke post graduate adult I don't have the most stocked refrigerator. I meant to go to the grocery store before I started this challenge so I could actually cook vegetarian meals while doing so. I wanted to get started with this challenge right away so I voided the shopping until I could find the time. Day 2 ended with some toast with peanut butter and trail mix, and that's just what I could find in our apartment!


   Unfortunately Day 3 will be very similar to Day 1 because I, once again, have a double at work but I will try to explore more options that I have with down time. A friend of mine shared a link of vegetarian meals you should try in 2015. I plan on trying at least 2 or 3 before the end of the week. Considering how many meals there are I would love to try 1 a day for a whole month, but that is a whole separate challenge to be faced. This week of being a vegetarian is going to be difficult, but I have two days under my belt and I am looking forward to the rest of the week! Depending on how the week goes I might extend my own challenge...we shall see.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Nineteen // Tegan and Sara

Going Vegetarian

   The title to this post might be a little misleading, I am not trying to go full on vegetarian forever but I would like to see if I could do it. We all set these great, extravagant new years resolutions and it's usually one that we weren't able to fulfill the past two years so we think to just try again. We don't realize these little goals we set can be just as fulfilling as the huge ones because we have more of a chance to finish the little goals and we still get that satisfaction of completing them. Instead of saying exercise everyday and working out why not say, I want to lose a few pounds a month or instead of saying find the person you want to marry, say you that will go on a few dates this year. It's just as rewarding to complete anything, especially after graduating college. It's nice to say you can complete anything without your parents breathing down your neck about when you are going to take the GRE.

   With this whole going vegetarian thing, I guess you could say it's a spinoff of one of my resolutions. I made one to eat healthier in general and I thought why not give myself little challenges throughout the year to make sure I'm following my own plan. My roommate is a vegetarian so my first thought was to try that because I knew I would have for her help since I've never done anything like this before. I have a few other challenges that have crossed my mind, but I have thought about doing something like this before so this seemed like the perfect time. I know plenty of people think, I love salads, I could be a vegetarian for sure....That's definitely not the case in this situation. I enjoy salads, but I don't think I could live off of that for a whole week. That's the glorious part that people don't realize, how many options you have as a vegetarian so I'm also looking forward to just opening my eyes about a different lifestyle from mine and gain an experience from it. It's not a big deal, but that's why I'm calling these "mini challenges" because that's what they are. Maybe later in the year I will try for two weeks or even longer depending on how difficult I find how this week will go.

   As we can see by the date at the top of this post it is January 10th and I plan on starting this challenge Sunday, January 11th until the following Sunday January 18th. One of the bigger challenges I see myself facing is just remembering that I am doing this challenge. Eating meat is so second nature to most of us that we don't realize that it's even happening, but we know the minute we start eating something green what's going on. I hope for this to be a nice healthy jumpstart to my year of healthy eating, although I do plan for it continue for much longer, but since I just had surgery a month I am still not able to do much working out wise so this is the best I can do. That's why I'm excited about these mini challenges and I plan on posting almost every other day to keep you updated on the progress of me going vegetarian. I'll put down some meal choices I've done, how hard/easy it's going and just how my health is being affected. If you have any other ideas for mini challenges I can do this year feel free to leave a comment below.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Jolene // The Weepies