We all know someone who is a third wheel most of the time, and maybe that person is you. We can't forget the just as lovely, fifth wheel some of us are forced to face with. Being a third wheel is bad enough, most couples are considerate enough to notice that there is just that one other friend with them so they can usually keep the PDA down to a minimum, if we're lucky. You sometimes get out of being the third wheel because you have that other single friend you love to tag along and help save you at the same time. It's a good give and take when a friend is in a relationship, to have that single friend that they aren't trying to hook you up with, but still save you from the awkwardness that is bound to occur.
What happens when that other single friend gets in a relationship? To quote one of my favorite 80's movies, The Breakfast Club, "It'll be anarchy!" And it can be...that couple that was so good at keeping the PDA to a minimum well this other couple does just a little bit too and then they start to feel comfortable because they think no one is looking at them when there is another couple right next to them going at it like middle schoolers in a movie theater. That is when we tend to forget the ever so delightful fifth wheel. Just like how you forget you have the spare tire in the trunk of your car after you run over a broken beer bottle on the highway. Don't mind us, we will continue to watch the movie we just started 15 minutes ago, or finish that slice of pizza you seem to have forgotten about, or use our invisibility to escape mid tongue lock. You turn back and see that pitiful look you're getting from your friends because we all know why you're leaving, to go drown your sorrows with red wine and watch Muppet Treasure Island...this might be hitting a little too close to home now.
In all seriousness, it's not anyone's fault you're a fifth wheel, this is just a way of life and it's your turn to play the part. It doesn't get weird until they feel the need to start setting you up with everyone they know in order to attempt having six wheels at once. I personally don't feel safe driving like that and I also don't mind currently being that fifth wheel. I have plenty more things to discover about myself before I would rather make out with someone than watch Parks and Recreation for the 10th time that day. Also, to ALL you couples out there, quit trying to be cutesy in front of other people, it's only cute to you and everyone else is bitter. One more thing couples, be wary of the plans you're making when inviting the fifth wheel to join. We are going to be miserable at game night, because we are going to be forced to play with a friend we don't like or don't plan on sleeping with. When it comes to this, we prefer to the night to ourselves, or get into a drunken stupor with our other single friends and enjoy this same hangover coffee I'm enjoying now while writing this entry in a coffee shop because I don't have wifi and I've been meaning to write this one for a while.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Happy With Me // HOLYCHILD
Showing posts with label #date. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #date. Show all posts
Friday, August 7, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
The Hookup Culture
Is such bullshit. I mean, talk about the struggle to try and actually date someone. We put ourselves in these boxes to wait for the exact right person who we think is good enough because dates are so rare we assume we just crawl out of our box when we think we find the right person and go for it. Or we just have sex and hope that doesn't ruin the whole prospect of trying to actually stay with someone. I know I've said this before, but sex when you first meet someone or when your first trying to date someone is going to go one of two ways, bad or good. You just have to wait and see if it's really worth the risk. What if we want to be that nice person who waits and doesn't want to rush anything? Well, we get screwed. Some people will consider you aren't interested because you aren't in a hurry to put a label on it, or taking it to the next level, or going to third base (whatever the hell that means now). Maybe we are just being considerate or we like to take things at our own pace, I know I'm in no rush, but that doesn't mean it's not worth the time. To quote a friend of mine, "We live in a world where hooking up is the new dating and we all feel shitty about ourselves because if we're not hooking up with someone then we think we're never going to be in a relationship. It's quite sad." I immediately read that and added it to this post because she summed up the whole point of this paragraph.
Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.
We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara
Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.
We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Does Waiting Really Change Anything?
SEX. I know it's more apparent in younger and younger age groups but I'm just focusing on our age group, us 20 somethings, because that's what I can most relate to and personally experienced growing up. There is such a stigma in talking about sex and it's such a taboo topic in conversation and I don't really get why. It's the reason we are here, so we should be able to be comfortable talking about it. Why feel so uncomfortable when someone asks you how old you were when you lost your virginity, were you in a relationship at the time, how many sexual partners have you had? Granted, these are all personal questions and you don't have to answer, but why not? Most people who know me know I'll answer just about any question you ask me, not even just revolving around sex, especially when it comes to educating someone about the LGBT community and my personal lifestyle. There is no reason to judge someone who has had multiple sexual partners, just be having safe sex, but if it is safe than who are we to judge? I would personally be rather jealous of this person and I know most people would, but who's going to admit it? I will. Virginity is a hard one, literally no pun intended, because we don't know the circumstances for anyone's situation so if they don't want to answer there is no need to pursue the answer, maybe this person will tell you when they feel more comfortable to talk about it. Sex questions are nothing to be taboo about and it's something you are definitely going to need to discuss with a sexual partner. Don't be afraid to ask if someone has been tested, if they have a condom, are they on birth control, these are important questions you have every right to know.
Speaking of sex in relationships, that's what this post is all about, when is a good time to finally take that next step with someone? Every relationship is different and sex can mean different things to different couples so this is all just my personal opinion, like everything I write about, but this is also a blog post coming from someone who doesn't see themselves as a sexual person. Look away mom, but sex isn't something I'm not passionate about, not that I haven't done it or currently don't but like I said, everyone is different when it comes to sex. Maybe it's because I'm not in a relationship to share that bond with, who knows? Sex is something that can happen so easily nowadays before you even start to date someone, maybe sex is the spark that gets you two to talk to each other after what you thought may have been a one night stand turns into a great relationships. To quote the movie I love to quote in these posts, He's Just Not That Into You, this goes back to the someone being the exception and someone being the rule so just because someone had a one night stand and it turned into an amazing relationship does not mean it's going to happen for you too. Kudos to you all out there that have that luck because I firmly believe in the statement, "be sure to test drive the car before you buy it" but I even more firmly believe in the statement, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Both of these work so well when it comes to sex, so just be careful because you never know which statement someone is going for when they try and go to the next level.
One night stands are void of this blog post because most of us have been there and that's pretty black and white unlike friends with benefits, whole other blog post, but maybe you are that couple that wants to wait until the perfect moment, not meaning marriage, but you don't want to jump in and start the relationship off with sex. Why not wait for the magical fireworks moment when you know you're in love? Nothing, so we shouldn't be judging someone just because they haven't had sex with their significant other yet because every relationship is different. We live in a world now where sex is so prevalent that we would judge someone for waiting to have sex, thanks Cosmo. In all seriousness, I don't there could ever be a scientific study saying waiting or not waiting helps a relationship because you're going to see it different in every couple there is. You just have to decide, do you want to wait or do you trust this person enough to think something more could come from just having sex? Just never hesitate to ask the important questions, if the person doesn't want to answer then it really isn't worth the risk, but to each their own. This is the time to make mistakes, just be careful about who you make them with!
P.S. This post has nothing to do with people waiting until marriage. Kudos to you, you're the real MVP.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
What Kind of Man // Florence + The Machine
Speaking of sex in relationships, that's what this post is all about, when is a good time to finally take that next step with someone? Every relationship is different and sex can mean different things to different couples so this is all just my personal opinion, like everything I write about, but this is also a blog post coming from someone who doesn't see themselves as a sexual person. Look away mom, but sex isn't something I'm not passionate about, not that I haven't done it or currently don't but like I said, everyone is different when it comes to sex. Maybe it's because I'm not in a relationship to share that bond with, who knows? Sex is something that can happen so easily nowadays before you even start to date someone, maybe sex is the spark that gets you two to talk to each other after what you thought may have been a one night stand turns into a great relationships. To quote the movie I love to quote in these posts, He's Just Not That Into You, this goes back to the someone being the exception and someone being the rule so just because someone had a one night stand and it turned into an amazing relationship does not mean it's going to happen for you too. Kudos to you all out there that have that luck because I firmly believe in the statement, "be sure to test drive the car before you buy it" but I even more firmly believe in the statement, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Both of these work so well when it comes to sex, so just be careful because you never know which statement someone is going for when they try and go to the next level.
One night stands are void of this blog post because most of us have been there and that's pretty black and white unlike friends with benefits, whole other blog post, but maybe you are that couple that wants to wait until the perfect moment, not meaning marriage, but you don't want to jump in and start the relationship off with sex. Why not wait for the magical fireworks moment when you know you're in love? Nothing, so we shouldn't be judging someone just because they haven't had sex with their significant other yet because every relationship is different. We live in a world now where sex is so prevalent that we would judge someone for waiting to have sex, thanks Cosmo. In all seriousness, I don't there could ever be a scientific study saying waiting or not waiting helps a relationship because you're going to see it different in every couple there is. You just have to decide, do you want to wait or do you trust this person enough to think something more could come from just having sex? Just never hesitate to ask the important questions, if the person doesn't want to answer then it really isn't worth the risk, but to each their own. This is the time to make mistakes, just be careful about who you make them with!
P.S. This post has nothing to do with people waiting until marriage. Kudos to you, you're the real MVP.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
What Kind of Man // Florence + The Machine
Monday, February 16, 2015
I Should Delete That Song
All this snow is happening today so I thought it would be a perfect time to write a post in the comfort of my bed and I had a friend recently who has not really talked about her ex for a while and saw a picture of him with his new girlfriend and it just brought back feelings, emotions and a topic of conversation. The point of this post, just because we say we are over someone does it mean we are?
When are we supposed to know we are truly over someone? I mean, it may never happen when you think about it. It can be months after a breakup and than you hear that one song you all listened to, you pass by your favorite place to eat together or something triggers a thought and it all comes rushing back. It can hit you like a brick wall when you least expect it, just when you think you are getting over that last hurdle you trip and it feels like you're just going to have to start over again. We know this tends to take time, but we don't know how much time is supposed to past. Should we feel bad if it happens sooner than we thought? People have horror stories of it taking years before they were able to move on and everyone has their own process and it doesn't mean anything about you if you are able to move on quicker than you expected. Maybe it says more about the person you were with if you are able to move on fast. What steps should we take to move on? Sometimes if you have a breakup that you both agree on then you're fine to keep following them on social media, you're okay to see them going out with someone in public or maybe even one day go on a...dare I say it, double date? Some people say you can't be friends with an ex, I can't personally speak about this because I'm not friends with any of mine, BUT I know people that are and it works just fine! There is clearly a level you can't cross if this happens and you have to make sure boundaries are set, especially when one of you gets in a new relationship because you never know if that crazy part of you is going to snap when they actually do move on.
Than we have the couples who don't have such a perfect breakup and it ends up being a scene from Kill Bill the way you both act around each other. You don't necessarily want to seem bitter and unfollow them on social media, but if seeing them infuriates you or makes you upset then it might be what is best. There is nothing stopping you from following them back later if and when you seem ready to be updated on their life, but for now don't hesitate to take time for yourself and Pinterest inspirational quotes. Depending on the breakup you're allowed to be bitter and talk shit for a few days to your friends while we all tell you how bad of a person they were. But this goes for everyone, please only take a few days, that's all you really need. You obviously might need more time to move on and come to terms but if all you do is complain abut the person then you're never going to be able to move on so don't go overboard. As your friends we can only repeat he's a dick or she was a bitch so often to get the point across to you, but we will do it as long as you need us too. Doesn't mean we won't be there to help burn a box of their things or go out with you because you never know what a person is going through or how they are handling a situation, as best friends we just have to be there and support them.
I know not a long post this time around, but this is something that needed to be short and sweet. Plus I have to find a way to enjoy this snow today!
Here to say it,
postgradgay
What Kind Of Man // Florence + the Machine
When are we supposed to know we are truly over someone? I mean, it may never happen when you think about it. It can be months after a breakup and than you hear that one song you all listened to, you pass by your favorite place to eat together or something triggers a thought and it all comes rushing back. It can hit you like a brick wall when you least expect it, just when you think you are getting over that last hurdle you trip and it feels like you're just going to have to start over again. We know this tends to take time, but we don't know how much time is supposed to past. Should we feel bad if it happens sooner than we thought? People have horror stories of it taking years before they were able to move on and everyone has their own process and it doesn't mean anything about you if you are able to move on quicker than you expected. Maybe it says more about the person you were with if you are able to move on fast. What steps should we take to move on? Sometimes if you have a breakup that you both agree on then you're fine to keep following them on social media, you're okay to see them going out with someone in public or maybe even one day go on a...dare I say it, double date? Some people say you can't be friends with an ex, I can't personally speak about this because I'm not friends with any of mine, BUT I know people that are and it works just fine! There is clearly a level you can't cross if this happens and you have to make sure boundaries are set, especially when one of you gets in a new relationship because you never know if that crazy part of you is going to snap when they actually do move on.
Than we have the couples who don't have such a perfect breakup and it ends up being a scene from Kill Bill the way you both act around each other. You don't necessarily want to seem bitter and unfollow them on social media, but if seeing them infuriates you or makes you upset then it might be what is best. There is nothing stopping you from following them back later if and when you seem ready to be updated on their life, but for now don't hesitate to take time for yourself and Pinterest inspirational quotes. Depending on the breakup you're allowed to be bitter and talk shit for a few days to your friends while we all tell you how bad of a person they were. But this goes for everyone, please only take a few days, that's all you really need. You obviously might need more time to move on and come to terms but if all you do is complain abut the person then you're never going to be able to move on so don't go overboard. As your friends we can only repeat he's a dick or she was a bitch so often to get the point across to you, but we will do it as long as you need us too. Doesn't mean we won't be there to help burn a box of their things or go out with you because you never know what a person is going through or how they are handling a situation, as best friends we just have to be there and support them.
I know not a long post this time around, but this is something that needed to be short and sweet. Plus I have to find a way to enjoy this snow today!
Here to say it,
postgradgay
What Kind Of Man // Florence + the Machine
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
The Single Friend on Valentine's Day
Now before you start reading this post, go open you a bottle of wine and get Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill playing on repeat. It's almost that time of the year, Valentine's Day, the day that scares all of us single folk to buying multiple bottles of wine and binge watching Parks and Recreation and He's Just Not That Into You all day. Most of us are perfectly okay with this, myself included, but we can't help but be a little bitter to all of our friends in flourishing relationships having romantic dinners and doing relationship activities on this dark day. For the most part we all are very happy for our friends in relationships, it just always works out that our single friends are all at work, because we requested to be, and we are forced to be alone while we drown our sorrows in two buck Chucks and ice cream. It's impossible to go anywhere on this day in a public setting because of what we are forced to see
Restaurants are no good because we are eating alone while others are surrounded by candlelight
Bars are full of couples or other single people who are only looking for one thing
Movies, you're surrounded by middle schoolers having make out sessions in the row in front of you
Social media is covered with happy relationship pictures and sappy status updates
Our only safe haven is a Chinese buffet where no one is there to judge you and you are very content and happy with posting your romantic meal for one on Instagram just to rub it in everyone's face. One thing we are starting to learn about V-Day, it's a perfect day for self reflection, and that we get realize that we can be very happy on our own as independent people who don't need no man/woman. Don't get me wrong, I would probably be one of those sappy people if I was in a committed relationship on this day but through my 24 years of living I've never had a serious relationship during this time. It's just worked out that we've been on a break, broke up right before or started dating right after. It's shown me a lot throughout the years since I've always had a group of friends who have been in relationships and have gotten to experience all the sappy and lovely memories. I've enjoyed having those nights of binge watching TV shows and being sappy with your single friends because sometimes those are the only valentines you need and at the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.
But we can never forget Galentine's Day, my personal favorite day of the year that my favorite show Parks and Recreation taught us about, because it's the day you grab all those single friends and you get to steal your friends in a relationship for this one day. It's the day before Valentine's Day and it's just a day you go around and tell your friends how much you love them, don't be afraid to exchange gifts, and have a day for you all. Treat yo self! The best part about this day, you get to do it year round, but this is your chance to be extra sappy and just enjoy your day with each other before all the restaurants and bars are surrounded by couples making out while enjoying their cosmos and buckets of beer. I'm writing this post now because the month of February has officially begun and no one is safe from the romantic posts and all of the #mcm and #wcw leading up to Valentine's Day. Hopefully by this point in the post you have started your second glass of wine, we both know you need it, and buckle down for what is to come with this month. Go out and buy the movie Valentine's Day and don't hesitate to binge watch after the day is over and consume plenty of discount chocolate because you earned it! You made it another year, being the single friend, being independent, and just learning to love yourself even more before you decide to share that love with someone else.
Don't worry friends in relationships, we still love you and hope for the best for you, just don't show us anything your significant other got you unless you plan on sharing it, we've gotten all of our tears out for the day, or we just resorted to opening the boxed wine we've had in the back of the refrigerator waiting for this day.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
You Oughta Know // Alanis Morissette
Restaurants are no good because we are eating alone while others are surrounded by candlelight
Bars are full of couples or other single people who are only looking for one thing
Movies, you're surrounded by middle schoolers having make out sessions in the row in front of you
Social media is covered with happy relationship pictures and sappy status updates
Our only safe haven is a Chinese buffet where no one is there to judge you and you are very content and happy with posting your romantic meal for one on Instagram just to rub it in everyone's face. One thing we are starting to learn about V-Day, it's a perfect day for self reflection, and that we get realize that we can be very happy on our own as independent people who don't need no man/woman. Don't get me wrong, I would probably be one of those sappy people if I was in a committed relationship on this day but through my 24 years of living I've never had a serious relationship during this time. It's just worked out that we've been on a break, broke up right before or started dating right after. It's shown me a lot throughout the years since I've always had a group of friends who have been in relationships and have gotten to experience all the sappy and lovely memories. I've enjoyed having those nights of binge watching TV shows and being sappy with your single friends because sometimes those are the only valentines you need and at the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.
But we can never forget Galentine's Day, my personal favorite day of the year that my favorite show Parks and Recreation taught us about, because it's the day you grab all those single friends and you get to steal your friends in a relationship for this one day. It's the day before Valentine's Day and it's just a day you go around and tell your friends how much you love them, don't be afraid to exchange gifts, and have a day for you all. Treat yo self! The best part about this day, you get to do it year round, but this is your chance to be extra sappy and just enjoy your day with each other before all the restaurants and bars are surrounded by couples making out while enjoying their cosmos and buckets of beer. I'm writing this post now because the month of February has officially begun and no one is safe from the romantic posts and all of the #mcm and #wcw leading up to Valentine's Day. Hopefully by this point in the post you have started your second glass of wine, we both know you need it, and buckle down for what is to come with this month. Go out and buy the movie Valentine's Day and don't hesitate to binge watch after the day is over and consume plenty of discount chocolate because you earned it! You made it another year, being the single friend, being independent, and just learning to love yourself even more before you decide to share that love with someone else.
Don't worry friends in relationships, we still love you and hope for the best for you, just don't show us anything your significant other got you unless you plan on sharing it, we've gotten all of our tears out for the day, or we just resorted to opening the boxed wine we've had in the back of the refrigerator waiting for this day.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
You Oughta Know // Alanis Morissette
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Can A Bottle of Wine Propose?
Who told who that we all needed someone to make ourselves happy? Not trying to sound cynical, I hope to one day have the white picket fence and my own hot tub in my bedroom but growing up we always hear that we need to be with someone to make ourselves happy. No, I'm not calling anyone out with this blog and I think this can literally apply to anyone. It all boils down to loving yourself before you think you're ready to love someone else. I know I don't truly love myself whole heartedly right now so why give someone only half of me instead of all of me? They don't deserve that and I know I don't either. This is the month of love, and don't forget that it's also Black History Month, but now more than ever we are expected to be happy and swooning over someone. Like I said, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS IF YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION, just not for me right now and that's why this is blog is being written. Something someone can find so attractive in someone else in confidence and that's something we all need, myself included so focus on yourself. Do yoga, find ideas on Pinterest, eat a quart of ice cream, do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself because that's the only approval that matters.
We all want what we can't have. We love the chase, the challenge, the experience of going through that pain of having your heart broken or someone not being interested in you like you are with them. Well let me tell you, it's not going to get any easier. Sometimes it takes a few times of getting denied and knocked down to understand that maybe you aren't ready and you don't have to be. We are in our 20's, so young, take a page out of some of our friends books that seem to be doing it right. I know I look at people around me and tell myself I want what they have but on my own schedule because I don't think I need it right now. If that guy or girl isn't interested in you use the ever so reliable, Bye Felicia, and move on. When you find that confidence down the road and you see that they suddenly find interest in you, you might be in a place in your life where you have that confidence and you no longer wish to be with that person. Confidence in yourself can really change a lot of your perspectives because it puts you in a place that you normally don't find yourself and there is no reason to think any differently in yourself because of that.
Long story short, love yourself and be happy with who you are before you feel the need to share that happiness with someone else because you're the only person that matters in a relationship no matter how long you're with someone. I'm sure I've repeated a lot of this information in previous blogs and I"m sure I'll say it more in future blogs to come but that doesn't mean we don't need to realize who we are as independent people. Love isn't an easy thing to come by, but why should it come from yourself last? Confidence is a sexy trait so be sure that you are the first one to find it, don't let it fade because you are the one that let's that shine. You need to realize you can survive on your own because you never know at any point in your life you could be on your own, but you know you always have your friends there. We don't go anywhere and we don't plan on it. Don't ever think we are going anywhere and don't ever think you need someone by your side to help your self worth. I think you're beautiful and that's all that really matters.
Here to say it..because I love you,
postgradgay
I'm Not Your Hero // Tegan and Sara
Long story short, love yourself and be happy with who you are before you feel the need to share that happiness with someone else because you're the only person that matters in a relationship no matter how long you're with someone. I'm sure I've repeated a lot of this information in previous blogs and I"m sure I'll say it more in future blogs to come but that doesn't mean we don't need to realize who we are as independent people. Love isn't an easy thing to come by, but why should it come from yourself last? Confidence is a sexy trait so be sure that you are the first one to find it, don't let it fade because you are the one that let's that shine. You need to realize you can survive on your own because you never know at any point in your life you could be on your own, but you know you always have your friends there. We don't go anywhere and we don't plan on it. Don't ever think we are going anywhere and don't ever think you need someone by your side to help your self worth. I think you're beautiful and that's all that really matters.
Here to say it..because I love you,
postgradgay
I'm Not Your Hero // Tegan and Sara
Monday, February 2, 2015
Drunk In...I Don't Even Know
One of the sayings I live by is "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" and for the most part it has never steered me wrong, but between myself and just seeing everyone around me that never really takes place when it comes to someone we are attracted to. We are like zombies once we reach that inebriation level and we just wander back and forth until we detect the first person we see that we feel like we should be attracted and that is who we set our eyes on for the night. Once you get drunk you really just tell who you want by the smell of fear and detecting them by heat so it's safe to say we aren't picky. We can hear our more sober friends advising us not to make this decision, or if they are your best friends they are probably pushing you to make this not so great decision and that's why we keep them around. We all have experienced or heard the story of going to bed with a 9 or 10 and waking up with a 5 or 6..sometimes lower, don't lie to your friends because they already know. I'm not sure why we like to throw our inhibitions out the window, of course it's the alcohol, but that is one of the few things you really can't trust when you're intoxicated, who are you trying to go home with? Once that alcohol hits your lips and it's almost time for last call you start the search because God forbid you just go home, eat your weight in French Toast Crunch and watch Kill Bill on repeat. Nope, we have to already plan to hate ourselves in the morning so you might as well start mentally preparing yourself before you even go out if you know you're that type of person.
Something that I've also noticed, you don't have to wasted to make these poor choices, just that touch of alcohol and you are ready to scour the bar, but there is the person that we know we are going to go home with if we both have drank. You can always rely on old faithful in these situations if that's what you're looking for, only requirement is no one get attached and it's only when you are both intoxicated. You have a great time with this person and it's always fun but there comes a time when it's daylight out and they are asking you to go to lunch. You know you possibly can't start throwing back pitchers at noon, unless it's spring break, but you have to think about if you really want to make this move with this person. You realize that sober you really isn't a fan and you start to wonder how the whole thing ever got started, alcohol. If your immediate thought when this person wants to hang out is no or you keep making excuses to not hang out with them than that really says how you feel so save you both the trouble and be honest with the person, always be HONEST. This goes for any kind of relationship, it's never worth it. If someone wants to be with someone else than they will make it happen, simple as that.
(thanks again He's Just Not That Into You)
We can't stop lying to ourselves about this, sometimes it's just not in us to see this person in daylight, not that big of a deal. We are all human and we all make bad decisions when we just get too drunk. Take out the friends who won't let you make these decisions for a while and just have fun! People care too much about sex nowadays and not enough about just having fun with those around you. If that happens to be someone you are attracted to, play it by ear and see how it goes but there is no reason to force it because it definitely won't come across the way you want it to after an hour or two of bottomless cup.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Ain't Gonna Drown // Elle King
Something that I've also noticed, you don't have to wasted to make these poor choices, just that touch of alcohol and you are ready to scour the bar, but there is the person that we know we are going to go home with if we both have drank. You can always rely on old faithful in these situations if that's what you're looking for, only requirement is no one get attached and it's only when you are both intoxicated. You have a great time with this person and it's always fun but there comes a time when it's daylight out and they are asking you to go to lunch. You know you possibly can't start throwing back pitchers at noon, unless it's spring break, but you have to think about if you really want to make this move with this person. You realize that sober you really isn't a fan and you start to wonder how the whole thing ever got started, alcohol. If your immediate thought when this person wants to hang out is no or you keep making excuses to not hang out with them than that really says how you feel so save you both the trouble and be honest with the person, always be HONEST. This goes for any kind of relationship, it's never worth it. If someone wants to be with someone else than they will make it happen, simple as that.
(thanks again He's Just Not That Into You)
We can't stop lying to ourselves about this, sometimes it's just not in us to see this person in daylight, not that big of a deal. We are all human and we all make bad decisions when we just get too drunk. Take out the friends who won't let you make these decisions for a while and just have fun! People care too much about sex nowadays and not enough about just having fun with those around you. If that happens to be someone you are attracted to, play it by ear and see how it goes but there is no reason to force it because it definitely won't come across the way you want it to after an hour or two of bottomless cup.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Ain't Gonna Drown // Elle King
Thursday, January 29, 2015
First Date Jitters
There are few things more terrifying than a first date and that doesn't include being in a room full of snakes and picture day because those are nothing compared to that. There are so many things going through your head, and this just may apply to girls and us gays, but I know straight guys have very similar fears. There is that chance where you genuinely know the person you are going on a date with if it's through mutual friends or you have known them for a while and you both decide to take it to another level. You than at least know the topics you can discuss, know a lot about the person beforehand, and will know a good date to take them on. This already takes a lot of weight off your shoulders but you have to wonder if the date will just seem like two friends going out together or if it means something more, so you can't treat it like just another day with this person. You want to get dressed up, you want to take them somewhere fancier and you want them to have a good time with you and this is something you have to be careful about that it won't be awkward the whole time. Just make it something fun, you still want to keep it more casual because you can't risk that awkwardness of trying too hard, just have a good time. Grab those mutual friends you have, be sure to call dibs, because you are going to need them to help you get ready and talk you through how it's going to go, don't hesitate to ask them for date ideas, where to go. what to wear, just how to help you plan the night. When it comes to going on a first date with a friend you should be able to ride together, it really doesn't matter if the girl or guy drives, gays, you just have a mutual agreement on this one. You can always drive separate because you never know if a date is going to go sour, don't rely on the mutual friends to do the fake hurry home phone call because no one wants to be in the middle of that situation. Just play the evening by ear and if you want the mutual friends to meet you at the next location if the date isn't going as planned than just go for it, you both know how the evening is going at that point.
Than there is the blind date, the one that scares us most of all. Through social media and online dating, thanks Tinder, we have an idea of what the person looks like beforehand so we at least know we have that physical attraction. Be wary of that person who is just really good at taking selfies and knows there lighting well, find an actual picture of this person before the blind date so you aren't necessarily blind sided when you get there. If this first date you set up yourself you have hopefully been talking to the person in some form to get to know them better so the evening won't be entirely awkward when you are thinking of topics to bring up during whatever it is you are doing. Whoever is planning the date, don't hesitate to make it something fun and spontaneous, but still gives you a chance to have a genuine conversation with this person. You don't want anything to take away from a conversation, that is the whole point of the date! We all worry about doing a boring date, just avoid the movies, but the only thing that matters is that you are getting to know the person and you don't feel like it's a dry date.
Now if this is the blind date your friend is setting up, this is where the real fun begins. Again, thanks to social media or a picture your friend showed you, you probably have an idea that you are physically attracted to this person but that is all you really know, except the things your friend told you to make them sound spectacular, so you are on your own when it comes to topics and what to do for a date. This is where a nice, simple dinner might be best, but if the date goes well it is fine to ask if they want to go somewhere for drinks after. Spontaneity is one of the main things people find attractive in someone, not that you should make the date bungee jumping, but changing things up never hurt anybody. The hardest part will be getting ready before the date because your hair doesn't look how you had it the other day, that shirt or dress suddenly makes you look frumpy, and all of your friends are at work so they can't help you get ready. Do the mental talk to yourself, listen to some old 90's music and just breathe. The more you psych yourself out before the date even starts will determine how the entire night goes. If the date is just dinner, don't get drunk, play off of the person you are with. See how many drinks they are having and how they are handling their alcohol, you don't really want your inhibitions gone on the first date, keep it slow. With that being said, this is definitely my own opinion, DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, meeting for the first time, or have slept together in the past, you shouldn't chance anything by sleeping that quickly because than your relationship will just revolve around sex. I'm not saying if you do it your relationship will fail, I know people that are very happy and they had sex early on, but like everything I say on this blog it is my opinion so take it as you will. I'm just a single gay guy in a big city so what do I know?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Baby Don't Lie // Gwen Stefani
Than there is the blind date, the one that scares us most of all. Through social media and online dating, thanks Tinder, we have an idea of what the person looks like beforehand so we at least know we have that physical attraction. Be wary of that person who is just really good at taking selfies and knows there lighting well, find an actual picture of this person before the blind date so you aren't necessarily blind sided when you get there. If this first date you set up yourself you have hopefully been talking to the person in some form to get to know them better so the evening won't be entirely awkward when you are thinking of topics to bring up during whatever it is you are doing. Whoever is planning the date, don't hesitate to make it something fun and spontaneous, but still gives you a chance to have a genuine conversation with this person. You don't want anything to take away from a conversation, that is the whole point of the date! We all worry about doing a boring date, just avoid the movies, but the only thing that matters is that you are getting to know the person and you don't feel like it's a dry date.
Now if this is the blind date your friend is setting up, this is where the real fun begins. Again, thanks to social media or a picture your friend showed you, you probably have an idea that you are physically attracted to this person but that is all you really know, except the things your friend told you to make them sound spectacular, so you are on your own when it comes to topics and what to do for a date. This is where a nice, simple dinner might be best, but if the date goes well it is fine to ask if they want to go somewhere for drinks after. Spontaneity is one of the main things people find attractive in someone, not that you should make the date bungee jumping, but changing things up never hurt anybody. The hardest part will be getting ready before the date because your hair doesn't look how you had it the other day, that shirt or dress suddenly makes you look frumpy, and all of your friends are at work so they can't help you get ready. Do the mental talk to yourself, listen to some old 90's music and just breathe. The more you psych yourself out before the date even starts will determine how the entire night goes. If the date is just dinner, don't get drunk, play off of the person you are with. See how many drinks they are having and how they are handling their alcohol, you don't really want your inhibitions gone on the first date, keep it slow. With that being said, this is definitely my own opinion, DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, meeting for the first time, or have slept together in the past, you shouldn't chance anything by sleeping that quickly because than your relationship will just revolve around sex. I'm not saying if you do it your relationship will fail, I know people that are very happy and they had sex early on, but like everything I say on this blog it is my opinion so take it as you will. I'm just a single gay guy in a big city so what do I know?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Baby Don't Lie // Gwen Stefani
Sunday, January 25, 2015
So You Got Stood Up?
A friend of mine was recently stood up by a guy, I asked permission to mention them in this post, and it got me thinking about what should one do in that kind of situation. No one wants to admit they got stood up, especially while it is happening! It's the last thought that goes through your mind because you are giving this person every excuse in the book; they are just running late, they are having car troubles, maybe there phone is dead, was it something I did? Last thing you want to admit is that they just aren't coming at all and they aren't even bothering to tell you. This is a quick note to everyone, most people would much rather prefer that you tell them you aren't coming or make up some lie, honestly, over getting stood up. It's not a good feeling by any means so kudos to you who it has never happened to. Friends can stand you up to, but you can call them out, you see them all the time. It's when you think you are going on a date and you never hear back from the person, well we are in a day and age where you better turn off those read receipts because you just look like a douchebag, and this goes for girls too. No one is guilty of being stood up, plenty of us have been there and it's not fun when the waiter has to come up and refill your water for the third time or you start getting a buzz as it starts to sink they might not show and you wish you hadn't ordered the whole bottle of chardonnay.
The tricky part is what do you do as the person being stood up when you finally come to terms with the fact they won't show? First things first, get the check ASAP and don't make eye contact with anyone in that restaurant, or wherever you are but still stay strong as you walk out. More than likely everyone knows what just happened, but you just leave like you planned this entire evening. We obviously want to call this person and yell at them and ask why they stood you up but chances are they are going to be staying clear from you for a while because they know the wrath that is to come. Know what you should do, in my opinion mind you, call a bunch of your friends and go out on the town and be sure to take plenty of photos of how much fun you are having. You should not, by any means, get trashed because we know the bad decisions you are going to do. You're going to blow up the person's phone with calls and texts, leave insane voicemails and cry to your friends out at the bar and we do not need that. You might need a good cry, no one is going to blame you, but you wait until you're home watching He's Just Not That Into You to do that. No need to show off the night you're having, but make it a point that you still had a good time that night and whatever malice they may have had towards standing you up will be forgotten. Feel free to block them from social media, but that part is truly up to you, you don't have to. If they care about you and something happened with the night they will try and reach out to you no matter what so you might want to give them a chance to at least explain, but I am not saying you should go running back to them by any means and you will immediately know if the person is talking out of their ass or not so feel free to stop them in their tracks.
Now there is that one person every blue moon that really did have car troubles, or they dropped their phone in a puddle and didn't know what to do. Like I said earlier, you will know if the person is being sincere on how quick they reach out to you or try to meet with you later in the evening, beware the booty call, but we are all human. I like to reference He's Just Not That Into You because it is one of my favorite movies and I love the line about when you hear a story about how your friend forgave the person who stood them up and now they are happily married, well they are the exception and that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen to you. Most people who stand you up are just not worth your time, it's as simple as that. If this a first date stand up situation than you can go ahead and scratch that name out of your little black book and look the other way. If this is a second, third date than you might want to try and reach out to the person, without being overbearing, just to discover the situation but sometimes the first date just wasn't as good as you thought it was and people don't always have the heart to say no to a second date. They think they are being nice by saying yes to the date, but be honest with the person, this goes back to them rather hearing no to a second date than yes and being stood up. Like most problems with dating and relationships this is a situation by situation scenario, so play it as you will. Just remember, you might as well finish that bottle of chardonnay you ordered.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Begin Again // Purity Ring
The tricky part is what do you do as the person being stood up when you finally come to terms with the fact they won't show? First things first, get the check ASAP and don't make eye contact with anyone in that restaurant, or wherever you are but still stay strong as you walk out. More than likely everyone knows what just happened, but you just leave like you planned this entire evening. We obviously want to call this person and yell at them and ask why they stood you up but chances are they are going to be staying clear from you for a while because they know the wrath that is to come. Know what you should do, in my opinion mind you, call a bunch of your friends and go out on the town and be sure to take plenty of photos of how much fun you are having. You should not, by any means, get trashed because we know the bad decisions you are going to do. You're going to blow up the person's phone with calls and texts, leave insane voicemails and cry to your friends out at the bar and we do not need that. You might need a good cry, no one is going to blame you, but you wait until you're home watching He's Just Not That Into You to do that. No need to show off the night you're having, but make it a point that you still had a good time that night and whatever malice they may have had towards standing you up will be forgotten. Feel free to block them from social media, but that part is truly up to you, you don't have to. If they care about you and something happened with the night they will try and reach out to you no matter what so you might want to give them a chance to at least explain, but I am not saying you should go running back to them by any means and you will immediately know if the person is talking out of their ass or not so feel free to stop them in their tracks.
Now there is that one person every blue moon that really did have car troubles, or they dropped their phone in a puddle and didn't know what to do. Like I said earlier, you will know if the person is being sincere on how quick they reach out to you or try to meet with you later in the evening, beware the booty call, but we are all human. I like to reference He's Just Not That Into You because it is one of my favorite movies and I love the line about when you hear a story about how your friend forgave the person who stood them up and now they are happily married, well they are the exception and that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen to you. Most people who stand you up are just not worth your time, it's as simple as that. If this a first date stand up situation than you can go ahead and scratch that name out of your little black book and look the other way. If this is a second, third date than you might want to try and reach out to the person, without being overbearing, just to discover the situation but sometimes the first date just wasn't as good as you thought it was and people don't always have the heart to say no to a second date. They think they are being nice by saying yes to the date, but be honest with the person, this goes back to them rather hearing no to a second date than yes and being stood up. Like most problems with dating and relationships this is a situation by situation scenario, so play it as you will. Just remember, you might as well finish that bottle of chardonnay you ordered.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Begin Again // Purity Ring
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