There are few things more terrifying than a first date and that doesn't include being in a room full of snakes and picture day because those are nothing compared to that. There are so many things going through your head, and this just may apply to girls and us gays, but I know straight guys have very similar fears. There is that chance where you genuinely know the person you are going on a date with if it's through mutual friends or you have known them for a while and you both decide to take it to another level. You than at least know the topics you can discuss, know a lot about the person beforehand, and will know a good date to take them on. This already takes a lot of weight off your shoulders but you have to wonder if the date will just seem like two friends going out together or if it means something more, so you can't treat it like just another day with this person. You want to get dressed up, you want to take them somewhere fancier and you want them to have a good time with you and this is something you have to be careful about that it won't be awkward the whole time. Just make it something fun, you still want to keep it more casual because you can't risk that awkwardness of trying too hard, just have a good time. Grab those mutual friends you have, be sure to call dibs, because you are going to need them to help you get ready and talk you through how it's going to go, don't hesitate to ask them for date ideas, where to go. what to wear, just how to help you plan the night. When it comes to going on a first date with a friend you should be able to ride together, it really doesn't matter if the girl or guy drives, gays, you just have a mutual agreement on this one. You can always drive separate because you never know if a date is going to go sour, don't rely on the mutual friends to do the fake hurry home phone call because no one wants to be in the middle of that situation. Just play the evening by ear and if you want the mutual friends to meet you at the next location if the date isn't going as planned than just go for it, you both know how the evening is going at that point.
Than there is the blind date, the one that scares us most of all. Through social media and online dating, thanks Tinder, we have an idea of what the person looks like beforehand so we at least know we have that physical attraction. Be wary of that person who is just really good at taking selfies and knows there lighting well, find an actual picture of this person before the blind date so you aren't necessarily blind sided when you get there. If this first date you set up yourself you have hopefully been talking to the person in some form to get to know them better so the evening won't be entirely awkward when you are thinking of topics to bring up during whatever it is you are doing. Whoever is planning the date, don't hesitate to make it something fun and spontaneous, but still gives you a chance to have a genuine conversation with this person. You don't want anything to take away from a conversation, that is the whole point of the date! We all worry about doing a boring date, just avoid the movies, but the only thing that matters is that you are getting to know the person and you don't feel like it's a dry date.
Now if this is the blind date your friend is setting up, this is where the real fun begins. Again, thanks to social media or a picture your friend showed you, you probably have an idea that you are physically attracted to this person but that is all you really know, except the things your friend told you to make them sound spectacular, so you are on your own when it comes to topics and what to do for a date. This is where a nice, simple dinner might be best, but if the date goes well it is fine to ask if they want to go somewhere for drinks after. Spontaneity is one of the main things people find attractive in someone, not that you should make the date bungee jumping, but changing things up never hurt anybody. The hardest part will be getting ready before the date because your hair doesn't look how you had it the other day, that shirt or dress suddenly makes you look frumpy, and all of your friends are at work so they can't help you get ready. Do the mental talk to yourself, listen to some old 90's music and just breathe. The more you psych yourself out before the date even starts will determine how the entire night goes. If the date is just dinner, don't get drunk, play off of the person you are with. See how many drinks they are having and how they are handling their alcohol, you don't really want your inhibitions gone on the first date, keep it slow. With that being said, this is definitely my own opinion, DON'T HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It shouldn't matter if you are friends, meeting for the first time, or have slept together in the past, you shouldn't chance anything by sleeping that quickly because than your relationship will just revolve around sex. I'm not saying if you do it your relationship will fail, I know people that are very happy and they had sex early on, but like everything I say on this blog it is my opinion so take it as you will. I'm just a single gay guy in a big city so what do I know?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Baby Don't Lie // Gwen Stefani
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
A Rant From Someone In The Service Industry
I've worked in the service industry in some shape or form since I was about 16, I'm 24 now, and there are plenty of things I've learned along the way and I thought I would share them with all of you. I know what I'm going to hear, you chose this job, you knew what you were getting yourself into, I should't have to tip, BLAH BLAH. I love being a server, this is just the shit I deal with and shouldn't have to. Everyone dislikes things about their job, so just read and enjoy like all the people in the service industry are going to.
We hate your kids, simple as that. They might be cute and adorable, but that doesn't change that no matter how many you bring it looks like you brought a football team whenever you leave under your table. Try and clean up after your kids. You would do it anywhere else, this isn't any different, I'm not getting paid extra to babysit.
This is a small one, but it still makes me bitter. If you're going to ask for a damn lemon with your water, USE IT. It's a small annoyance, but it's still a thing, why ask for it if you have no desire to use it? Speaking of water, if you're going to be that person who gets a water and a soda or a tea or a coffee, drink both the damn drinks. It doesn't make you healthy just by getting the water with the other drink, you have to drink it too.
Don't raise your bottle to me and shake it at me like I don't understand words. Chances are I saw you were close to being empty and was walking over to you, but patience is not a virtue in the service industry. A subtle raise above the table gives me the sign you need another one, you don't need to wave it around and smash it against a table.
If we close at 1 and you walk in 12:45 your thought process shouldn't be, "Oh, we have 15 minutes still!" You should realize we are going to have to wait there with you, so instead of going somewhere that might be open later or just leave you decide to make the servers, bartenders and cooks wait on you to get a beer and some nachos. If you are going to be that person at least tip accordingly.
TIPPING. There really isn't much use getting into this one because people will always suck but 15% is never hard to tip. Never. And servers will always know if they did a bad job or not, we just do, so when we see how much you left us, we know how much we deserve. If you can't tip or simply don't want to, those people are out there, don't go out. Get your food to go, even though those people should be tipped still too.
No matter how minuscule the problem you have, we will try to fix it for you, but when you point out a small problem like your fries aren't hot enough and I offer to get that fixed in the 10 seconds it would take and you say don't worry about...than I do not care about your problem. If you don't want the problem fixed than I have nothing to gain from hearing about it. The fries not being hot enough wasn't even my fault to begin with, so do not waste my time.
Don't worry about the flavored lemonades, just get lemonade, if you get the flavored lemonade we will come after you. Out of all the things I've listed so far that is one thing gets under our skin, especially when you order 5 before your meal even comes out. They are evil.
Whenever I walk up to the table and ask "How are you all doing today?" with this huge cheesy grin on my face, you could at least give me the decency of answering the question. Sure, I don't really care how you are doing, but sometimes the answers are worth it, so don't look at me and spout off beers. That's not what I asked. Speaking of beers, when I ask what you would like to drink, don't say "beer." Chances are we have more than one beer so be more specific. And when I say we have Pepsi products DO NOT say Coke...you're getting a Pepsi.
Don't say you're allergic to things randomly off the menu just because you don't want it, we are going to do our best either way to make sure that item stays off, so I don't need to hear you can't have dairy or gluten or generosity. Servers are going to know in the first 30 seconds how a table is going to tip, especially if we've been doing it long enough, so don't you worry about us.
I'm sure there are more things I could list, but that just means there might be a later post about a server's rant again. I really enjoyed writing this one, let me know what you all think!
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Money On My Mind // Sam Smith
We hate your kids, simple as that. They might be cute and adorable, but that doesn't change that no matter how many you bring it looks like you brought a football team whenever you leave under your table. Try and clean up after your kids. You would do it anywhere else, this isn't any different, I'm not getting paid extra to babysit.
This is a small one, but it still makes me bitter. If you're going to ask for a damn lemon with your water, USE IT. It's a small annoyance, but it's still a thing, why ask for it if you have no desire to use it? Speaking of water, if you're going to be that person who gets a water and a soda or a tea or a coffee, drink both the damn drinks. It doesn't make you healthy just by getting the water with the other drink, you have to drink it too.
Don't raise your bottle to me and shake it at me like I don't understand words. Chances are I saw you were close to being empty and was walking over to you, but patience is not a virtue in the service industry. A subtle raise above the table gives me the sign you need another one, you don't need to wave it around and smash it against a table.
If we close at 1 and you walk in 12:45 your thought process shouldn't be, "Oh, we have 15 minutes still!" You should realize we are going to have to wait there with you, so instead of going somewhere that might be open later or just leave you decide to make the servers, bartenders and cooks wait on you to get a beer and some nachos. If you are going to be that person at least tip accordingly.
TIPPING. There really isn't much use getting into this one because people will always suck but 15% is never hard to tip. Never. And servers will always know if they did a bad job or not, we just do, so when we see how much you left us, we know how much we deserve. If you can't tip or simply don't want to, those people are out there, don't go out. Get your food to go, even though those people should be tipped still too.
No matter how minuscule the problem you have, we will try to fix it for you, but when you point out a small problem like your fries aren't hot enough and I offer to get that fixed in the 10 seconds it would take and you say don't worry about...than I do not care about your problem. If you don't want the problem fixed than I have nothing to gain from hearing about it. The fries not being hot enough wasn't even my fault to begin with, so do not waste my time.
Don't worry about the flavored lemonades, just get lemonade, if you get the flavored lemonade we will come after you. Out of all the things I've listed so far that is one thing gets under our skin, especially when you order 5 before your meal even comes out. They are evil.
Whenever I walk up to the table and ask "How are you all doing today?" with this huge cheesy grin on my face, you could at least give me the decency of answering the question. Sure, I don't really care how you are doing, but sometimes the answers are worth it, so don't look at me and spout off beers. That's not what I asked. Speaking of beers, when I ask what you would like to drink, don't say "beer." Chances are we have more than one beer so be more specific. And when I say we have Pepsi products DO NOT say Coke...you're getting a Pepsi.
Don't say you're allergic to things randomly off the menu just because you don't want it, we are going to do our best either way to make sure that item stays off, so I don't need to hear you can't have dairy or gluten or generosity. Servers are going to know in the first 30 seconds how a table is going to tip, especially if we've been doing it long enough, so don't you worry about us.
I'm sure there are more things I could list, but that just means there might be a later post about a server's rant again. I really enjoyed writing this one, let me know what you all think!
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Money On My Mind // Sam Smith
Sunday, January 25, 2015
So You Got Stood Up?
A friend of mine was recently stood up by a guy, I asked permission to mention them in this post, and it got me thinking about what should one do in that kind of situation. No one wants to admit they got stood up, especially while it is happening! It's the last thought that goes through your mind because you are giving this person every excuse in the book; they are just running late, they are having car troubles, maybe there phone is dead, was it something I did? Last thing you want to admit is that they just aren't coming at all and they aren't even bothering to tell you. This is a quick note to everyone, most people would much rather prefer that you tell them you aren't coming or make up some lie, honestly, over getting stood up. It's not a good feeling by any means so kudos to you who it has never happened to. Friends can stand you up to, but you can call them out, you see them all the time. It's when you think you are going on a date and you never hear back from the person, well we are in a day and age where you better turn off those read receipts because you just look like a douchebag, and this goes for girls too. No one is guilty of being stood up, plenty of us have been there and it's not fun when the waiter has to come up and refill your water for the third time or you start getting a buzz as it starts to sink they might not show and you wish you hadn't ordered the whole bottle of chardonnay.
The tricky part is what do you do as the person being stood up when you finally come to terms with the fact they won't show? First things first, get the check ASAP and don't make eye contact with anyone in that restaurant, or wherever you are but still stay strong as you walk out. More than likely everyone knows what just happened, but you just leave like you planned this entire evening. We obviously want to call this person and yell at them and ask why they stood you up but chances are they are going to be staying clear from you for a while because they know the wrath that is to come. Know what you should do, in my opinion mind you, call a bunch of your friends and go out on the town and be sure to take plenty of photos of how much fun you are having. You should not, by any means, get trashed because we know the bad decisions you are going to do. You're going to blow up the person's phone with calls and texts, leave insane voicemails and cry to your friends out at the bar and we do not need that. You might need a good cry, no one is going to blame you, but you wait until you're home watching He's Just Not That Into You to do that. No need to show off the night you're having, but make it a point that you still had a good time that night and whatever malice they may have had towards standing you up will be forgotten. Feel free to block them from social media, but that part is truly up to you, you don't have to. If they care about you and something happened with the night they will try and reach out to you no matter what so you might want to give them a chance to at least explain, but I am not saying you should go running back to them by any means and you will immediately know if the person is talking out of their ass or not so feel free to stop them in their tracks.
Now there is that one person every blue moon that really did have car troubles, or they dropped their phone in a puddle and didn't know what to do. Like I said earlier, you will know if the person is being sincere on how quick they reach out to you or try to meet with you later in the evening, beware the booty call, but we are all human. I like to reference He's Just Not That Into You because it is one of my favorite movies and I love the line about when you hear a story about how your friend forgave the person who stood them up and now they are happily married, well they are the exception and that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen to you. Most people who stand you up are just not worth your time, it's as simple as that. If this a first date stand up situation than you can go ahead and scratch that name out of your little black book and look the other way. If this is a second, third date than you might want to try and reach out to the person, without being overbearing, just to discover the situation but sometimes the first date just wasn't as good as you thought it was and people don't always have the heart to say no to a second date. They think they are being nice by saying yes to the date, but be honest with the person, this goes back to them rather hearing no to a second date than yes and being stood up. Like most problems with dating and relationships this is a situation by situation scenario, so play it as you will. Just remember, you might as well finish that bottle of chardonnay you ordered.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Begin Again // Purity Ring
The tricky part is what do you do as the person being stood up when you finally come to terms with the fact they won't show? First things first, get the check ASAP and don't make eye contact with anyone in that restaurant, or wherever you are but still stay strong as you walk out. More than likely everyone knows what just happened, but you just leave like you planned this entire evening. We obviously want to call this person and yell at them and ask why they stood you up but chances are they are going to be staying clear from you for a while because they know the wrath that is to come. Know what you should do, in my opinion mind you, call a bunch of your friends and go out on the town and be sure to take plenty of photos of how much fun you are having. You should not, by any means, get trashed because we know the bad decisions you are going to do. You're going to blow up the person's phone with calls and texts, leave insane voicemails and cry to your friends out at the bar and we do not need that. You might need a good cry, no one is going to blame you, but you wait until you're home watching He's Just Not That Into You to do that. No need to show off the night you're having, but make it a point that you still had a good time that night and whatever malice they may have had towards standing you up will be forgotten. Feel free to block them from social media, but that part is truly up to you, you don't have to. If they care about you and something happened with the night they will try and reach out to you no matter what so you might want to give them a chance to at least explain, but I am not saying you should go running back to them by any means and you will immediately know if the person is talking out of their ass or not so feel free to stop them in their tracks.
Now there is that one person every blue moon that really did have car troubles, or they dropped their phone in a puddle and didn't know what to do. Like I said earlier, you will know if the person is being sincere on how quick they reach out to you or try to meet with you later in the evening, beware the booty call, but we are all human. I like to reference He's Just Not That Into You because it is one of my favorite movies and I love the line about when you hear a story about how your friend forgave the person who stood them up and now they are happily married, well they are the exception and that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen to you. Most people who stand you up are just not worth your time, it's as simple as that. If this a first date stand up situation than you can go ahead and scratch that name out of your little black book and look the other way. If this is a second, third date than you might want to try and reach out to the person, without being overbearing, just to discover the situation but sometimes the first date just wasn't as good as you thought it was and people don't always have the heart to say no to a second date. They think they are being nice by saying yes to the date, but be honest with the person, this goes back to them rather hearing no to a second date than yes and being stood up. Like most problems with dating and relationships this is a situation by situation scenario, so play it as you will. Just remember, you might as well finish that bottle of chardonnay you ordered.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Begin Again // Purity Ring
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
The Pressure to Live At the Gym
Who doesn't make some kind of new years resolution to start going to the gym or exercising more at the beginning of the year? I know I usually do, but I did decide to make it a little different this year. I had my appendix out at the end of November last year and still am not able to lift over 10 pounds until the end of this week. With that being said I knew I wouldn't be able to make, and eventually break, my resolution of going to the gym more. That being said not having the ability to really do much at the gym I have been doing as much as I can while at home and have surpassed my week challenge of being a vegetarian and am still holding strong. It's my own personal way of completing my new years resolution. My eyes have been opened from the outside looking in because I have already seen so many people break so many resolutions that they set for themselves. This was the prime reason I was setting my weekly challenges. I'm one for one and that is more than what some people can say for their resolutions. The next challenge I'm setting for myself is far more than a week, 90 days to be exact, at the beginning of next week I'll be starting P90X at home while I'm finally able to start lifting again. I know it's a big challenge, but I am more than excited to get this one started, especially since my roommate will be joining me for this challenge. If there is one thing I've learned, it always helps doing any kind of goal if you have someone going for the same one.
I've had some friends starting Crossfit over the past few months and now that they are hearing I am able to lift again and wanting to start these new challenges they want me to join this crazy cult of weight lifters. Don't get me wrong, I see that it does wonders for people, and I would have no problem doing it but it scares the hell out of me. I hear about this thing called the academy there where they teach you how to use the weights and learn about all of that and I find that as my next challenge, because like I said earlier, I have a friend who is willing to do challenge with me when she is ready. That just so happens to be ready after I am done with my P90X challenge. I do like Crossfit though because you aren't "going to the gym" because it is a separate entity in itself and that is a factor I like. Basically, I'm sick of the pressure we get for having to the live at the gym because it's an awful place to be. I've enjoyed finding new ways to get in shape, work out, be healthy, without going to the gym! We all know those people who work out year round who call out all the people at the beginning of the year and sometimes don't make it through the year, but either way for those few short months those people there are at least trying to better themselves and you mocking them on social media surely won't help anyone continue on their resolutions journey. Let us be those snobs that Instagram pictures of our healthy meal we made for ourselves or our transitioning photos because we are proud and we want to show it.
Long post short, don't pressure people to go the gym, you can pressure them to just live their lives better because some people need that kick in the ass...me included! If you do like going to the gym, that is fine! It clearly works for some people and I know people that will gladly welcome and help people that need when they are there, it just scares the shit out of me is all. Hopefully I can make a new post soon if my body doesn't break in half from P90X but I do hope this post helps someone face their fears of going to the gym or finding a new way to do what you can do there. I'm not saying go out and join a Crossfit gym, which couldn't hurt, or start P90X, which could kill you, but find a workout regimen on Youtube, go to yoga, walk around your neighborhood a few times. You do you, because you are beautiful no matter what.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
2 On // Tinashe
I've had some friends starting Crossfit over the past few months and now that they are hearing I am able to lift again and wanting to start these new challenges they want me to join this crazy cult of weight lifters. Don't get me wrong, I see that it does wonders for people, and I would have no problem doing it but it scares the hell out of me. I hear about this thing called the academy there where they teach you how to use the weights and learn about all of that and I find that as my next challenge, because like I said earlier, I have a friend who is willing to do challenge with me when she is ready. That just so happens to be ready after I am done with my P90X challenge. I do like Crossfit though because you aren't "going to the gym" because it is a separate entity in itself and that is a factor I like. Basically, I'm sick of the pressure we get for having to the live at the gym because it's an awful place to be. I've enjoyed finding new ways to get in shape, work out, be healthy, without going to the gym! We all know those people who work out year round who call out all the people at the beginning of the year and sometimes don't make it through the year, but either way for those few short months those people there are at least trying to better themselves and you mocking them on social media surely won't help anyone continue on their resolutions journey. Let us be those snobs that Instagram pictures of our healthy meal we made for ourselves or our transitioning photos because we are proud and we want to show it.
Long post short, don't pressure people to go the gym, you can pressure them to just live their lives better because some people need that kick in the ass...me included! If you do like going to the gym, that is fine! It clearly works for some people and I know people that will gladly welcome and help people that need when they are there, it just scares the shit out of me is all. Hopefully I can make a new post soon if my body doesn't break in half from P90X but I do hope this post helps someone face their fears of going to the gym or finding a new way to do what you can do there. I'm not saying go out and join a Crossfit gym, which couldn't hurt, or start P90X, which could kill you, but find a workout regimen on Youtube, go to yoga, walk around your neighborhood a few times. You do you, because you are beautiful no matter what.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
2 On // Tinashe
Sunday, January 18, 2015
What Dating Has Become
It's crazy to look at what society and ourselves have turned dating into. We've gone to having someone doing a scavenger hunt to get asked to prom to seeing how many RT's they can get on Twitter. You don't even know if you like someone unless you match on Tinder, than you just have to be a match made in heaven. No one meets organically anymore and it's crazy to think about because maybe that's why all of us single people just don't get it, we don't want to. When we go out to a bar you might see someone you like, but they might not see you because they won't look up from their phone or they are too busy posting a picture of their food on Instagram. If you're lucky enough to get those RT's or the person you swiped right on isn't a complete psycho than we get to go to the fun part, dating! Unfortunately, that usually means going to see a movie and a dinner at some semi romantic restaurant. I get dinner and a movie, it's old faithful, but that doesn't need to be one of the first three dates, simple as that. We all say we like spontaneity in a partner and someone who likes to be adventurous, yet we will take going to their place and bonging beers with their fraternity brothers as a date. No one likes to put that extra thought in a date, take me bowling, I would pick that over dinner and a movie any day because it's random and you can just be silly and have a good time. You want to see a movie that bad? Go to a drive-in, that little bit of spontaneity is going to make a big difference to the person you're trying to swoon.
One of the first three dates should never be, want to come over and drink? We all know what that translates to, especially if it's just going to be the two of you. Want to come over and have sex? Might as well make it easier and just ask that and skip all the nonsense of trying to make that person believe you might actually want a relationship. I'm not saying sex before you are actually "dating" can ruin any chances, I'm not saying it helps either, but to each their own with that situation. Rachel Green from Friends said it best, "Build a foundation with someone, become their friend and than find out if it's someone you want to date." Damn you Jennifer Aniston, you just blew my mind because it makes perfect sense, but who wants to make that kind of time commitment anymore? I'm not sure why those of us in are 20's are in such a rush to skip the fun process of dating. That's our chance to make crazy decisions, go to a beach somewhere, visit a music festival, adopt a dog and realize it's too much of a responsibility, trying to cook a meal and burning down the kitchen, this is what we should be doing. I know couples that do these types of things and that's the kind of relationship I'm jealous of and this is what this post is about. Not that you can never make a date dinner and a movie, sometimes that's all you need, but nowadays you have those first few dates to really show someone who you are and if you think taking someone to see The Interview on a first date, unless for reason they would love that, than it can only go so far. This is your chance to show your personality so let them see it!
Who doesn't want to feel those butterflies when you're getting ready for a first date and think of every possibility of how the night is going to go? I mean I still get butterflies before going to Chipotle so I could only imagine how I would be on a date. If you don't feel nervous, what does that mean? It seems like dates are becoming an easy way to name a booty call now. Someone you're with gives you the challenge of trying to impress them everyday, in your own way mind you. Dating is all about having fun with this person and that is exactly what you should be doing. And this is a note to everyone, but after your amazing first date, because you went out and did something fun, call them the next day to tell them how it went and ask them out again, do not text them. Especially if you are one of THOSE people who use shorthand text, you shouldn't date. Again, these are simply my opinions and I'm sticking to them.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Seven Wonders // Fleetwood Mac
Friday, January 16, 2015
Final Days of Vegetarianism
I only have a couple days left of my week as a vegetarian and it has been going smoothly, but yesterday was my first day when I actually had the craving for chicken or meat of some kind. It doesn't help that the restaurant I work is not really vegetarian friendly, we have a black bean burger that I really enjoyed, but that's about it besides salads. I think my body has finally started to notice I'm not eating any meat, and it's getting mad at me. It has been nice to order like a vegetarian when going out to eat because at some places you realize there aren't really a lot of options, I'm sure they don't only want salads all the time. I've managed to stay away from fish because my challenge this week was to be a vegetarian, not a pescetarian, so I have kind of been living off of black bean burgers and salads.
I'm not sure if many of you know this, but Chipotle recently started a tofu option at their stores and Chipotle is my personal heaven so when I heard about this I thought why not give it a try, because I won't want to do it when I'm not doing this challenge anymore. As someone who has a deep love for Chipotle I can tell you that the burrito was really good! They shredded the tofu and mixed it with chiles so not only did it not look like that image of tofu we all think of, but it actually tasted pretty damn good. That was a nice experience because I know I would never think to try something like that normally.
I finally managed to go grocery shopping, at 2 in the morning, and even though I only have a few days left of this challenge I only bought vegetarian items. I got some veggie burgers to make at home, some organic vegetarian burritos, some yogurt with berries and a few other things. I know I could buy meat and have it for when this week is up, but why tempt myself? If I buy it I know it's there and it will just be sitting there waiting for me to get a craving again. Today is a new day and I'm excited that the challenge is almost over, but I'm still not sure if I plan on continuing this or not, I guess we will just have to wait and see how Sunday goes! Sorry this is such a short post, just wanted to catch you all up on how the challenge is going.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
The Chain // Ingrid Michelson
I'm not sure if many of you know this, but Chipotle recently started a tofu option at their stores and Chipotle is my personal heaven so when I heard about this I thought why not give it a try, because I won't want to do it when I'm not doing this challenge anymore. As someone who has a deep love for Chipotle I can tell you that the burrito was really good! They shredded the tofu and mixed it with chiles so not only did it not look like that image of tofu we all think of, but it actually tasted pretty damn good. That was a nice experience because I know I would never think to try something like that normally.
I finally managed to go grocery shopping, at 2 in the morning, and even though I only have a few days left of this challenge I only bought vegetarian items. I got some veggie burgers to make at home, some organic vegetarian burritos, some yogurt with berries and a few other things. I know I could buy meat and have it for when this week is up, but why tempt myself? If I buy it I know it's there and it will just be sitting there waiting for me to get a craving again. Today is a new day and I'm excited that the challenge is almost over, but I'm still not sure if I plan on continuing this or not, I guess we will just have to wait and see how Sunday goes! Sorry this is such a short post, just wanted to catch you all up on how the challenge is going.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
The Chain // Ingrid Michelson
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Keep Your Leash
We usually hate that we can't contain how we feel about someone, if you like someone it's just as simple as that. You try to be mad at them and you might be able to keep that compare on the outside but on the inside you just can't stay mad at them and you just want attention from them. Who doesn't want attention and that feeling of being wanted? The worst part is when you are being lead on by someone that you like solely because they know you do. They keep you far enough away so you don't get too attached but keep you close enough so you don't stray. I like to call these people, assholes, because it just doesn't make any sense. I'm no Kylie Jenner so it isn't like I have a list of men waiting for me but I just don't see why anyone would enjoy this. If you aren't genuinely into someone than there is about 3000 ways to let someone down the right way so both parties aren't hurt or it's awkward to keep hanging out with them.
It's the worst when the person you like is someone you are friends with or see a good amount because you never want to admit to yourself, or anyone else, what your feeling. You don't want to lose them as a friend so you put up with being lead on because not having them in your life just seems s strange. Just when you think those feelings are going away or it was all in your head they text you or like a photo on your Instagram like they knew you were thinking about. They had to throw that fishing rod out hoping to reel you back in just a little bit. It's always something so subtle too, that like on Instagram could have been the tragic accidental "like" hit and that text they sent could have one reply than you don't hear back and all these thoughts come rushing through your head. Being lead on is just another reason we stay awake at night watching He's Just Not That Into You and thinking "What's wrong with me?" And people wonder why women and gay men are considered crazy, WE OVERTHINK THINGS. Everyone knows this too, it's just another game to some people and I can't even finish a game of Monopoly so I'm not sure why they think I'm here to play this game. Give me back my sanity and be straightforward to me! I can't speak for everyone but I just think the easiest way to end this back and forth of being lead on is to just be honest with that person. Don't be afraid to mention that you aren't sure where you stand and ask them what they think about you two taking it to the next level.
Honestly, prepare for the worst because we all know life isn't perfect but it's better if you find out sooner rather than later....trust me. Make both your lives easier and since they are being that asshole I mentioned earlier and just enjoying the ride than don't hesitate to reconsider how much time you are spending with this person after you get your answer. You never know, you just might get that answer you want to hear and I truly hope that for all of you. I'll be bitter but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for you, we are all a little bitter. So go out there, take the leash off and hand it back. Just etch out the number on your collar so they can't call you back.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Foreigner's God // Hozier
It's the worst when the person you like is someone you are friends with or see a good amount because you never want to admit to yourself, or anyone else, what your feeling. You don't want to lose them as a friend so you put up with being lead on because not having them in your life just seems s strange. Just when you think those feelings are going away or it was all in your head they text you or like a photo on your Instagram like they knew you were thinking about. They had to throw that fishing rod out hoping to reel you back in just a little bit. It's always something so subtle too, that like on Instagram could have been the tragic accidental "like" hit and that text they sent could have one reply than you don't hear back and all these thoughts come rushing through your head. Being lead on is just another reason we stay awake at night watching He's Just Not That Into You and thinking "What's wrong with me?" And people wonder why women and gay men are considered crazy, WE OVERTHINK THINGS. Everyone knows this too, it's just another game to some people and I can't even finish a game of Monopoly so I'm not sure why they think I'm here to play this game. Give me back my sanity and be straightforward to me! I can't speak for everyone but I just think the easiest way to end this back and forth of being lead on is to just be honest with that person. Don't be afraid to mention that you aren't sure where you stand and ask them what they think about you two taking it to the next level.
Honestly, prepare for the worst because we all know life isn't perfect but it's better if you find out sooner rather than later....trust me. Make both your lives easier and since they are being that asshole I mentioned earlier and just enjoying the ride than don't hesitate to reconsider how much time you are spending with this person after you get your answer. You never know, you just might get that answer you want to hear and I truly hope that for all of you. I'll be bitter but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for you, we are all a little bitter. So go out there, take the leash off and hand it back. Just etch out the number on your collar so they can't call you back.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Foreigner's God // Hozier
Monday, January 12, 2015
First Days of Being a Vegetarian
Day 1:
This seemed to be fairly easier than expected solely because I spent my whole day at work from the minute I woke up until I got home and went to bed. Granted I work at a restaurant but we were so busy that I didn't have time to even sit down and think about the fact that I wasn't eating meat. We ended our shift at work with a pizza that management bought for us so I ate a slice of cheese and called it a day. I know I should have eaten more and part of this challenge was to explore more food options and ways to make a meal without using any meat, but with a full time job it's easier said than done. I was glad that I didn't hit that craving wall of I need a burger or should I eat a chicken finger?
Day 2:
This started about the same as yesterday, I got up and went straight to work and managed not to have a chance to eat anything there because of how busy we were. I made it home around 7:30, this shift wasn't as long, and being a broke post graduate adult I don't have the most stocked refrigerator. I meant to go to the grocery store before I started this challenge so I could actually cook vegetarian meals while doing so. I wanted to get started with this challenge right away so I voided the shopping until I could find the time. Day 2 ended with some toast with peanut butter and trail mix, and that's just what I could find in our apartment!
Unfortunately Day 3 will be very similar to Day 1 because I, once again, have a double at work but I will try to explore more options that I have with down time. A friend of mine shared a link of vegetarian meals you should try in 2015. I plan on trying at least 2 or 3 before the end of the week. Considering how many meals there are I would love to try 1 a day for a whole month, but that is a whole separate challenge to be faced. This week of being a vegetarian is going to be difficult, but I have two days under my belt and I am looking forward to the rest of the week! Depending on how the week goes I might extend my own challenge...we shall see.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Nineteen // Tegan and Sara
This seemed to be fairly easier than expected solely because I spent my whole day at work from the minute I woke up until I got home and went to bed. Granted I work at a restaurant but we were so busy that I didn't have time to even sit down and think about the fact that I wasn't eating meat. We ended our shift at work with a pizza that management bought for us so I ate a slice of cheese and called it a day. I know I should have eaten more and part of this challenge was to explore more food options and ways to make a meal without using any meat, but with a full time job it's easier said than done. I was glad that I didn't hit that craving wall of I need a burger or should I eat a chicken finger?
Day 2:
This started about the same as yesterday, I got up and went straight to work and managed not to have a chance to eat anything there because of how busy we were. I made it home around 7:30, this shift wasn't as long, and being a broke post graduate adult I don't have the most stocked refrigerator. I meant to go to the grocery store before I started this challenge so I could actually cook vegetarian meals while doing so. I wanted to get started with this challenge right away so I voided the shopping until I could find the time. Day 2 ended with some toast with peanut butter and trail mix, and that's just what I could find in our apartment!
Unfortunately Day 3 will be very similar to Day 1 because I, once again, have a double at work but I will try to explore more options that I have with down time. A friend of mine shared a link of vegetarian meals you should try in 2015. I plan on trying at least 2 or 3 before the end of the week. Considering how many meals there are I would love to try 1 a day for a whole month, but that is a whole separate challenge to be faced. This week of being a vegetarian is going to be difficult, but I have two days under my belt and I am looking forward to the rest of the week! Depending on how the week goes I might extend my own challenge...we shall see.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Nineteen // Tegan and Sara
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Going Vegetarian
The title to this post might be a little misleading, I am not trying to go full on vegetarian forever but I would like to see if I could do it. We all set these great, extravagant new years resolutions and it's usually one that we weren't able to fulfill the past two years so we think to just try again. We don't realize these little goals we set can be just as fulfilling as the huge ones because we have more of a chance to finish the little goals and we still get that satisfaction of completing them. Instead of saying exercise everyday and working out why not say, I want to lose a few pounds a month or instead of saying find the person you want to marry, say you that will go on a few dates this year. It's just as rewarding to complete anything, especially after graduating college. It's nice to say you can complete anything without your parents breathing down your neck about when you are going to take the GRE.
With this whole going vegetarian thing, I guess you could say it's a spinoff of one of my resolutions. I made one to eat healthier in general and I thought why not give myself little challenges throughout the year to make sure I'm following my own plan. My roommate is a vegetarian so my first thought was to try that because I knew I would have for her help since I've never done anything like this before. I have a few other challenges that have crossed my mind, but I have thought about doing something like this before so this seemed like the perfect time. I know plenty of people think, I love salads, I could be a vegetarian for sure....That's definitely not the case in this situation. I enjoy salads, but I don't think I could live off of that for a whole week. That's the glorious part that people don't realize, how many options you have as a vegetarian so I'm also looking forward to just opening my eyes about a different lifestyle from mine and gain an experience from it. It's not a big deal, but that's why I'm calling these "mini challenges" because that's what they are. Maybe later in the year I will try for two weeks or even longer depending on how difficult I find how this week will go.
As we can see by the date at the top of this post it is January 10th and I plan on starting this challenge Sunday, January 11th until the following Sunday January 18th. One of the bigger challenges I see myself facing is just remembering that I am doing this challenge. Eating meat is so second nature to most of us that we don't realize that it's even happening, but we know the minute we start eating something green what's going on. I hope for this to be a nice healthy jumpstart to my year of healthy eating, although I do plan for it continue for much longer, but since I just had surgery a month I am still not able to do much working out wise so this is the best I can do. That's why I'm excited about these mini challenges and I plan on posting almost every other day to keep you updated on the progress of me going vegetarian. I'll put down some meal choices I've done, how hard/easy it's going and just how my health is being affected. If you have any other ideas for mini challenges I can do this year feel free to leave a comment below.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Jolene // The Weepies
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Our Personal Fashion Choices
Nothing beats looking through old photos you have from middle and high school when you had no idea what you were doing with your life or all the great memories you would form down the road, but nothing beats looking at the clothes we used to wear. The worst part, how great we all thought we looked good in those Hollister polos and reeking of Axe body spray. I know I personally wouldn't wear jeans in middle school unless they had those frayed holes right around the knees, I was so cool I just had to impress everyone with those flare jeans. Girls had their Dooney and Bourke bags and had to get the most sequins on their homecoming dresses, it blows your mind now but at the time you thought it was everything and that was all that mattered at the time. Of course people had their own phases but I'm mainly reflecting on what I went through and those around me. You have to wonder what statement you were trying to make with the clothes you wore. We know now a person can make a statement when they walk in a room just by wearing the right outfit and it can make or break a work interview, a date, or even a first impression. Before someone meets you they see what you are wearing and at our age that can say plenty about a person. We didn't have much say about what we wore in middle school, but we knew the statement we were trying to make when we walked down those halls because of the stigma that came with those clothes.
Let's not skip ahead too far now though because we can't forget the glorious phase of high school. For me personally that was when I discovered Panic! At The Disco, Taking Back Sunday, Paramore and all those "emo" bands and with those bands came black t-shirts and eyeliner. I was always timid about the eyeliner because I wasn't your typical rebellious emo kid. I wanted to follow the rules, I respected my parents, made good grades, I was more on the thrill of making that statement of I don't care and I don't follow the rules. These are the choices we make when we decide what to put on in the morning each day. My thought process of trying to change my image was exciting to me, you truly got to take control of yourself and be brave. I won't lie, I mainly hung around the popular kids at school and it felt weird for me to come in a band t-shirt or a scarf (I never wore eyeliner to school) because that was a new, strange thing that was occurring. I still had my American Eagle t-shirts and jeans, it's not like I could shop for myself, but it's crazy to think that what you wore could even put you in a friend group. I wasn't your typical emo kid but I dressed like one, should I not hang out with my group of friends because of that? I was able to make new friends all because of the shirt I decided to put on my back and that still blows my mind. When I became a junior and senior I learned how to coincide all of these fashion choices I make; what if I wore a nice pair of jeans with a band t-shirt or a scarf over an American Eagle t-shirt? What point would this prove? Trying to make your own style as a kid growing up is just as imperative as most things we go through so why not take the chance? Especially now, your 20's are to make mistakes so make them all now because when it clothes people won't be as forgiving in our 30's.
We all stand by the fact that it shouldn't matter what you're wearing, what label you can afford or how tight fitting your jeans are but the fact of the matter is that it does matter to a certain extent to everyone. I'm not saying we should, it's just a way of life. That's the freedom behind it though, we know this stigma we have to judge someone by what they wear but that only encourages people to choose what they want because it feels like it fits their lifestyle and who they are as a person. I'm still the kind of person that can pick an outfit by what friends I hang out with, where we are going, what are we doing and I find that exciting because now that you are in college or just graduated you have the power to decide what to wear and what you are going to buy, so use that power. At this point in our lives we shouldn't care what people think, you can be a guy and wear eyeliner or a girl who likes to wear guys clothes because it's your life and just because people may judge us for what we have on, why should we care? Now that you have taken time out of your day to read this post you can continue by looking at your old photos and laugh at the clothes you decided to wear and think about the statements you were trying to make and the statements we are still trying to make today.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
She's Not Me // Jenny Lewis
Let's not skip ahead too far now though because we can't forget the glorious phase of high school. For me personally that was when I discovered Panic! At The Disco, Taking Back Sunday, Paramore and all those "emo" bands and with those bands came black t-shirts and eyeliner. I was always timid about the eyeliner because I wasn't your typical rebellious emo kid. I wanted to follow the rules, I respected my parents, made good grades, I was more on the thrill of making that statement of I don't care and I don't follow the rules. These are the choices we make when we decide what to put on in the morning each day. My thought process of trying to change my image was exciting to me, you truly got to take control of yourself and be brave. I won't lie, I mainly hung around the popular kids at school and it felt weird for me to come in a band t-shirt or a scarf (I never wore eyeliner to school) because that was a new, strange thing that was occurring. I still had my American Eagle t-shirts and jeans, it's not like I could shop for myself, but it's crazy to think that what you wore could even put you in a friend group. I wasn't your typical emo kid but I dressed like one, should I not hang out with my group of friends because of that? I was able to make new friends all because of the shirt I decided to put on my back and that still blows my mind. When I became a junior and senior I learned how to coincide all of these fashion choices I make; what if I wore a nice pair of jeans with a band t-shirt or a scarf over an American Eagle t-shirt? What point would this prove? Trying to make your own style as a kid growing up is just as imperative as most things we go through so why not take the chance? Especially now, your 20's are to make mistakes so make them all now because when it clothes people won't be as forgiving in our 30's.
We all stand by the fact that it shouldn't matter what you're wearing, what label you can afford or how tight fitting your jeans are but the fact of the matter is that it does matter to a certain extent to everyone. I'm not saying we should, it's just a way of life. That's the freedom behind it though, we know this stigma we have to judge someone by what they wear but that only encourages people to choose what they want because it feels like it fits their lifestyle and who they are as a person. I'm still the kind of person that can pick an outfit by what friends I hang out with, where we are going, what are we doing and I find that exciting because now that you are in college or just graduated you have the power to decide what to wear and what you are going to buy, so use that power. At this point in our lives we shouldn't care what people think, you can be a guy and wear eyeliner or a girl who likes to wear guys clothes because it's your life and just because people may judge us for what we have on, why should we care? Now that you have taken time out of your day to read this post you can continue by looking at your old photos and laugh at the clothes you decided to wear and think about the statements you were trying to make and the statements we are still trying to make today.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
She's Not Me // Jenny Lewis
Putting a Title On It
"Don't fix it unless it's broken" is one of my favorite quotes and I think that quote goes very well with relationships. When you first start hanging out someone and feelings begin to grow that is one of the best times at the beginning of a relationship. It's your time to still be a free person and do whatever you want, but still know you have that person to talk to and see. When I say do whatever you want I don't mean sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry you come across, but that may be it for some people who like to stay in this phase. This is my favorite because it is a time that you can spend with someone where you really don't feel as much pressure from society, in this day and age just because you hang out with someone already makes you "official" or "exclusive" and that might be enough for some people. Just because you have the title of boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean all of the problems get fixed or society will leave you alone, in some cases it only gets worse. Do you think he/she is the one? Would you marry them? How many kids? Does he/she have a good job?
You're expected to know all of these questions after only a few months.
I buy sweaters that I like at first but realize I don't after a couple months, so I'm not sure how I'm supposed to know if I will marry someone in that short amount of time. I'm not claiming to be a relationship guru, hell I'm not even in one, but these are only things I tend to notice or have experienced in my lifetime. These questions become more apparent after you graduate college and are finally out in the real world with a real job. Our parents don't seem to notice that the real world means we are broke, still serving tables and have to go back to school shortly after we leave the first time. The lucky few get their adult jobs out of the gate, but for the rest of us we still need to "discover ourselves". So many air quotes in this post, can you tell how I feel about the subject?
The point is, why rush in putting a title on your relationship? Especially if you're happy without it, we all know adding a word doesn't do much and can sometimes only make the situation worse. I see why people would wish to add it and I wish them all the best, I just know I am in no rush to put a title on it. I still need to find that person to be in the beginning stage anyway so you never know how your opinions will change when you are put in the situation. That will come in a later post (hopefully).
Don't worry about what society thinks you should do in your relationship, your relationship isn't a Michael Kors purse and that's the only time putting a title on it is absolutely necessary. The person you're asking to hold off putting the title on for should be completely understandable and if they have a problem with you wanting to wait, but still be exclusive, than that should be a red flag for you that the title and putting it on Facebook is more important than the actual dating experience. All of my friends who have the title, I think they made the right decision, but like I will continue to say, I am no relationship expert so I can only for the best. I hope the best for all relationships, I'm nervous these posts will make people think I'm bitter, these are just my opinions and what I've seen in college and since graduating.
Just think, why is the title the most important?
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Ultraviolence // Lana Del Rey
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
How to Succeed At Flirting
There is literally no correct way to answer this. Everyone thinks they know the trick to flirting or the right way to get with someone. Each person is different at flirting and everyone responds to different types of flirting in their own way. You have the person that finds cheesy pickup lines adorable, but you also have the person that would love for you to buy them a drink. You spot someone across from a bar or a party or coffee shop or at a restaurant and you have to gauge how they are going to respond to you. You have to analyze in your head, is the immediate physical attraction going to be there, are they going to find what I have to say interesting or funny, how much are they overthinking this situation? The answer is, probably just as much as you.
We would all love to not overthink the art of flirting or think we know all the answers but the truth is none of us do. When it comes down to it that friend you have that you're bitter at because they always seem to be successful at this is because they are attractive or have all the right things to say or landed the perfect joke. The whole thing is an art form that is designed to make us stay awake all night going crazy thinking about what we could have done differently to make that encounter go better. Do you need to change your cologne or perfume? Should you just redo your whole wardrobe? Do I need to change my haircut that I've had since the 7th grade? All these questions go through our mind. The answer could be all of them or none of them. Some people are generally not attracted to other people know matter how good they look or how funny they are. Granted we should all ship these people off to an island so they can disappoint each other and give the rest of us a fighting chance but it's not that easy.
It's not like it gets much easier when the flirting is successful because that is when the real fun begins, but that is a whole other topic that we can save for another day. Just know that just because a certain technique or "move" you have used on someone and it worked certainly doesn't mean it's going to work on the next person you see.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Sexotheque // La Roux
We would all love to not overthink the art of flirting or think we know all the answers but the truth is none of us do. When it comes down to it that friend you have that you're bitter at because they always seem to be successful at this is because they are attractive or have all the right things to say or landed the perfect joke. The whole thing is an art form that is designed to make us stay awake all night going crazy thinking about what we could have done differently to make that encounter go better. Do you need to change your cologne or perfume? Should you just redo your whole wardrobe? Do I need to change my haircut that I've had since the 7th grade? All these questions go through our mind. The answer could be all of them or none of them. Some people are generally not attracted to other people know matter how good they look or how funny they are. Granted we should all ship these people off to an island so they can disappoint each other and give the rest of us a fighting chance but it's not that easy.
It's not like it gets much easier when the flirting is successful because that is when the real fun begins, but that is a whole other topic that we can save for another day. Just know that just because a certain technique or "move" you have used on someone and it worked certainly doesn't mean it's going to work on the next person you see.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Sexotheque // La Roux
Sunday, January 4, 2015
First Blog
This is a first for me, I'm not a writer and I never did that good of a job at it in college. I'm a full year out and I wanted to write a blog about things I've learned being in the real world. I don't have an "adult" job but I make a living on my own and I enjoy being independent. I am solely writing this blog for myself because I have learned that somethings you don't really learn until you see it right in front of you. I'm going to take my own advice and write it all out so it's something I have to look at and if someone stumbles across this blog and they see information that might be useful for them than that is great.
I know the blog is postgradgay but that doesn't mean everything I'm going to write deals with gay relationships and issues because contrary to popular belief they are often very similar to heterosexual issues as well. I don't want to write too much personal information about myself because it really doesn't matter, but I am a young gay man who just graduated college and living in the state of Kentucky and this is my blog.
I look forward to getting this started in the next couple of days and actually find out why it is people decide to write blogs and try to "discover themselves". You never know, I could be one of those people and I wouldn't be mad if I did but the way I see myself discovering myself is by going out in the world and exploring. People take for granted taking a one week vacation and just doing something you never thought you would do. Just because you want to travel doesn't mean you have to go across the seas. I want to travel and go to a music festival or a state I've never visited, it's little things like that you can do and never regret.
Rambling is something I am too good at and I just wanted to state what this blog was going to be about. Before I get on all the topics I want to get to I'm going to sign off and see where this blog takes me. I've decided going to end each post with a song that I'm currently listening to. It could have nothing to do with the post or everything. I just love music.
Here to say it,
postgradgay
Get Away // CHVRCHES
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