So You're Supposed To Be...?

   Couples costumes. There is a lot riding on this each year if you're in a relationship, especially if it is your first Halloween together. It's your first chance to show you all can be crafty, witty, and funny together while still being in on the joke. Here is a thought of mine, make your own joke and go as something completely separate! I know, this is coming from the single guy, and I have no problem doing a couple costume, I'm sure I would happily do one if I was in a relationship. I just don't see the appeal of doing it every year.

   I have been single for a while so I'm used to having free range on what I want to do as my costume and not having to worry about going as a couple, unless it's with a friend, where sometimes you can be a couple costume and still be free standing on your own and not everyone wonder where the other half of your costume is! Even though I'm gay I thought about going as Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents for Halloween this year with no Wanda. My whole thought process was, 

"Would everyone ask me where Wanda is all night? Would the costume make as much sense? Would people get the joke?"

These are the thoughts running through my head and it's something I didn't want to worry about, so on the off chance a couple gets separated at a party or bar would these be the ongoing questions for them all night? I'm perfectly okay with going as a costume meant for one person and just enjoying the night instead of worrying about people getting the reference, should I stand by him in a group photo, is it really that big of a deal? The answer is, it's not, these are just the things that go through my head and I decide to share with the world.

   I have seen so many creative couples costumes that I have been jealous of, doesn't mean I'm jumping at the chance to try it, just means I'm not against the idea, it just means I would hate to be put in that bubble of people assuming you have to go as a costume together. Why not alternate each year? Or even never do it? Halloween is a time to really show some creativity and plenty of individuality so why not show some? This was a short, sweet, and to the point post but I haven't said anything in a while and Halloween wasn't too long ago so this was still fresh in my mind.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Flesh Without Blood // Grimes

The Perpetual 5th Wheel

   We all know someone who is a third wheel most of the time, and maybe that person is you. We can't forget the just as lovely, fifth wheel some of us are forced to face with. Being a third wheel is bad enough, most couples are considerate enough to notice that there is just that one other friend with them so they can usually keep the PDA down to a minimum, if we're lucky. You sometimes get out of being the third wheel because you have that other single friend you love to tag along and help save you at the same time. It's a good give and take when a friend is in a relationship, to have that single friend that they aren't trying to hook you up with, but still save you from the awkwardness that is bound to occur.

   What happens when that other single friend gets in a relationship? To quote one of my favorite 80's movies, The Breakfast Club, "It'll be anarchy!" And it can be...that couple that was so good at keeping the PDA to a minimum well this other couple does just a little bit too and then they start to feel comfortable because they think no one is looking at them when there is another couple right next to them going at it like middle schoolers in a movie theater. That is when we tend to forget the ever so delightful fifth wheel. Just like how you forget you have the spare tire in the trunk of your car after you run over a broken beer bottle on the highway. Don't mind us, we will continue to watch the movie we just started 15 minutes ago, or finish that slice of pizza you seem to have forgotten about, or use our invisibility to escape mid tongue lock. You turn back and see that pitiful look you're getting from your friends because we all know why you're leaving, to go drown your sorrows with red wine and watch Muppet Treasure Island...this might be hitting a little too close to home now.

   In all seriousness, it's not anyone's fault you're a fifth wheel, this is just a way of life and it's your turn to play the part. It doesn't get weird until they feel the need to start setting you up with everyone they know in order to attempt having six wheels at once. I personally don't feel safe driving like that and I also don't mind currently being that fifth wheel. I have plenty more things to discover about myself before I would rather make out with someone than watch Parks and Recreation for the 10th time that day. Also, to ALL you couples out there, quit trying to be cutesy in front of other people, it's only cute to you and everyone else is bitter. One more thing couples, be wary of the plans you're making when inviting the fifth wheel to join. We are going to be miserable at game night, because we are going to be forced to play with a friend we don't like or don't plan on sleeping with. When it comes to this, we prefer to the night to ourselves, or get into a drunken stupor with our other single friends and enjoy this same hangover coffee I'm enjoying now while writing this entry in a coffee shop because I don't have wifi and I've been meaning to write this one for a while.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Happy With Me // HOLYCHILD

Should You Even Wear White?

   It's something most of us have to suffer year round, but it is officially that time so many of us single folk dread. WEDDING SEASON. I'm sure this whole post will make me, or all single people, sound bitter during this time of the year, but it is simply not the case! I haven't had the joy of being a groomsmen or a groomsmaid, but I love going to weddings. Mainly if an open bar is involved, but that is besides the point. I also haven't been to a wedding that involved one of my closest friends, so I will admit I am a little biased on the whole wedding season ordeal so keep on reading if you want to hear my opinion. To the men reading this, it's called wedding season for a reason, so be a little more creative with those proposals, unless of course she is determined to have in this period then live on the edge! I'm not saying break out the flash mob, but we believe in you.

   I have a number of friends who are super talented photographers and I know they make money taking engagement photos but some of the poses, which I know are sometimes couples ideas, make me want to cry. I really don't need to see how many ways you can hold hands in a green pasture in your Sunday's best. Find a couple good photos, stick with that and share with the world. I don't need to see the color version, the black and white version, the sepia tone version, that's for you and the photographer to mull over and share with your family. I know we have family on social media, but don't mind the other 500+ people you have on your list that are forced to suffer. Photographer friends, you're all amazing, keep up the good work, not putting this on you all at all!

   Back to the proposals, unless he/she did it in a really cool way I don't care to see it. Most of us know how proposals work when they get on one knee and ask. Again, I get wanting to film it for the memory and sharing with family, but most of us don't care. If he asks while hang gliding or after coming in riding on a polar bear then I'm sure I can get the gist of how it went down. All I know is, marriage is an amazing thing and I'm happy for anyone who gets the joy of marriage, I'm waiting on you Kentucky to let me do the same. Marriage isn't always what we think it's going to be, look at Carrie and Big, I'm still bitter about that scenario, but that could be a whole other post.

   Don't worry, those of us not getting married will slap on that happy face and attend your wedding with our other single friends who don't even know you as our date. Just make sure that open bar is stocked heavily for those of us refusing to do the chicken dance on the dance floor with your aunt. Cheers.

Here to say it,
postgradgay

What You Waiting For? // Gwen Stefani

The Hookup Culture

   Is such bullshit. I mean, talk about the struggle to try and actually date someone. We put ourselves in these boxes to wait for the exact right person who we think is good enough because dates are so rare we assume we just crawl out of our box when we think we find the right person and go for it. Or we just have sex and hope that doesn't ruin the whole prospect of trying to actually stay with someone. I know I've said this before, but sex when you first meet someone or when your first trying to date someone is going to go one of two ways, bad or good. You just have to wait and see if it's really worth the risk. What if we want to be that nice person who waits and doesn't want to rush anything? Well, we get screwed. Some people will consider you aren't interested because you aren't in a hurry to put a label on it, or taking it to the next level, or going to third base (whatever the hell that means now). Maybe we are just being considerate or we like to take things at our own pace, I know I'm in no rush, but that doesn't mean it's not worth the time. To quote a friend of mine, "We live in a world where hooking up is the new dating and we all feel shitty about ourselves because if we're not hooking up with someone then we think we're never going to be in a relationship. It's quite sad." I immediately read that and added it to this post because she summed up the whole point of this paragraph.

   Most of us after college are ready to be in a serious relationship, make certain moves with their lives and do what has to be done. We get seen as too available, whatever the hell that means, so people just walk on by. You would think these people want the same thing, but they are still trying to play games, have a back and forth with someone, I guess I get that whole scenario. I just don't have any desire to do that anymore, especially when we both know it usually just leads to a very awkward conversation or a one night stand. I'm not saying I'm the perfect guy, I'm more awkward than anything when it comes to trying to talk to someone. I'll never make the first move, it's a simple as that, but how often do people actually like to make the first move? I know I might sound like a member of the bitter old lady brigade, but this hookup culture we live in is stupid and half of us wouldn't be here if this the culture our parents lived in because serious relationships rarely happen from a random hookup or a drunk make out.

   We are told to put ourselves out in the world, take control of your own destiny. Well maybe we would be more inclined to do that if it paid off once in a while! I can't say I'm innocent of being part of the hookup culture at times in my adult life, but we are all human and there is that thought in the back of your mind that there is a chance something will come from this. And there is always that thought that when we are "hooking up" you're just constantly wondering what is going on in the other person's head and it's consuming this time you're having. My only advice is, ask them what the hell they are thinking about.
What have you really got to lose?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

I Was a Fool // Tegan and Sara

Is Butter A Carb?

   One of my all time favorite quotes is, "If you can't love yourself then how the hell are you supposed to love somebody else?" For those of you who don't know that quote is from RuPaul, one of my personal heroes. I've been hearing RuPaul say that on his show for years but just recently I think I finally start to understand what it means. After graduating college, having my appendix taking out, moving to a new city, making new friends and finally starting to get my life on track I've finally started to love myself. It's a daily struggle to look in the mirror and be okay with what is looking back at you and not too long ago I wasn't okay with that. Let's face it, like any gay man I have plenty of insecurities roaming around my head at all times so it's just something you have to, in light of a better term, get over it. It was the one day I told myself, get your fat ass off the couch and go get a gym membership and don't waste it like you have in the past. We all love to get gym memberships, go a couple days to feel better about ourselves and then we never see the inside of that place again. We have all done it, I know I have more than once.

   The point is, you have to be the person to motivate yourself. My parents have been telling me my whole life to do what I'm doing now but I had to be the one to tell myself because hearing it from anyone else isn't going to help. It's great to hear encouraging words and positive feedback for what you are accomplishing, but it still always will fall back on you. YOU have to make time, YOU have to find the motivation, YOU have to be willing to do it. I'm still not even there. I'm at a point where I enjoy going to the gym, I like having a salad everyone now and than and I like feeling better about myself. You think that means I'm ever going to go for a run outside? Because I just can't find a good enough reason to do that to myself. You think I'll ever meal prep and start a crazy diet? Because I'm not going to completely cut out something unhealthy I might like. I'm looking at you Chipotle.

   I know I'm no life coach, and plenty of people can go ahead and call bullshit for this post but I didn't write this to praise myself or make anyone feel bad. It's just to say if I can do it, it's safe to say pretty much anyone can and I am proud of the progress I've made. I just hope I can continue to show progress and if that inspires one person then I'm perfectly okay with that. If it doesn't, I'll still be okay with it as long as I know I'm trying my best. You just have to be willing to do the same.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Will You Dance? // The Bird and the Bee

It's Only An Echo

   Do you ever wonder why we can't look in the mirror without pointing out ten new flaws in ourselves we find each morning? Some of them might be small like a new pimple or you're just realizing one eye is slightly bigger than the other or bigger like noticing you might want to get a nose job, or just shave your head because your hair just isn't doing what you want it to that day. The worst part is that it's our own voices talking to us when we look in the mirror, that's us just talking to ourselves and we shouldn't be doing that, put the demon to rest. We live in a world where if you ask someone to write down all the things someone loves about themselves and all of the things they want to change then that list is going to be much longer of negative qualities.

   It's not something you can do overnight, but it is something we need to work on everyday. I'm not saying this is fixed by going to the gym or redoing your wardrobe, we all will deal with a situation like this in our own ways. It's just up to you to find out which way is right for you. I know since the beginning of the year and having my scar from my appendectomy I've had to work on myself and tell that voice in my head to leave me alone and let me work on myself on my own time because little by little I am enjoying looking in the mirror. I still see flaws, things I wish I could change, just wanting to throw the mirror on the ground, but you can't because then that voice in your head wins. You just have to realize you're beautiful, just think of all the things our parents told us when we were little; "you can do anything you set your mind to, you were the best tree ever in your school play, you should have more playing time, keep up the good work." They were right and I know we don't like to admit that too often, but most of the time our parents know what they are talking about so take a page out of their book and use it in your everyday life.

   Find that other voice in your head, because it's still yours, that thinks that new outfit looks amazing on you, that realizes you have your health and your friends around you, that tells you maybe that hot guy or girl will finally talk to you. That's the voice we need to be listening to because it's the one that's going to get us forward in life and not terrify us at every job interview, first date or any other encounters we may come across in our lifetimes. Just take it 10 seconds at a time because anyone can do anything for 10 seconds, just be sure to start counting again when you reach 10.

Here to say it,

postgradgay

Memories That You Call // ODESZA

The Desire To Travel

   Wanting to travel is a common thing to desire in your 20's, especially after you graduate because this is your chance to explore. If you get that adult job you have the money to travel, or you still have all that graduation money you got from your grandparents and you want to put it to good use, so why not? We all seem to find reasons to not travel, no matter how badly we want to. For the most part the only traveling experiences we have our school trips, family vacations, and the occasional spring break to Panama City Beach, at least I think I went? All of these trips are fun, we wouldn't change a thing, and we may have learned something from them. (I'm looking at you PCB) Traveling after college is your chance to really discover a lot about the world around you and yourself while your at it. There is no reason your first big adventure should be going to Europe, travel a few hours to the next big city out of your state. Take baby steps, this might not be the vacation of your dreams but it can lead to that! You need to see how you act when you travel somewhere new. How were you at finding a place to stay, did you bring enough money, how much money did you have left over, did you enjoy the people you went with? These are things we can only learn when we experience them and there is nothing wrong with that because it's part of becoming an adult.

   You need to plan this trip a long time in advance. You want to make sure it's something you really want to do and have the time and money for because this is your time, especially if it's the big trip you've been waiting for since you moved out of your parents house. Set a long term goal of where you want to visit, put so much money aside each paycheck and book that hotel as soon as you can because you aren't going to want to turn around after already putting money down on this adventure. There is nothing like grabbing a couple friends, hopping in your car and making a random drive but this isn't Crossroads and you aren't Britney Spears so be careful whenever you make all of these plans because you need friends who are in it and there is no turning back once the trip has been planned.

   We all need to escape in some point in our lives, a trip is perfect for this but it shouldn't be for running away. It should just be to get away because there is nothing like leaving our lives for a few days, or even longer and just relax and forget about everything you have going on in your life back home because trust me, that will be waiting for you right when you get back. So will Netflix though, so you shouldn't be too stressed out about it. I know spring break is right around the corner for those of you still in school, but don't hesitate to go ahead and plan that next big trip now, who says it can't be to a beach anyway? I'm already looking forward to my first big adventure as a graduate and I know it is going to be needed by the time it gets underway. Student loans can wait just a little bit longer, can't they?

Here to say it,
postgradgay

Sun Models // ODESZA